If the standard keeps moving the goal isn’t repair. It’s control.
For all the times I tried to ‘fix’ myself and ‘fix’ the relationship. Fix how I approached the topic, fix how I showed him love in his love language, fix the timing that was ok to initiate, fix initiating too much or fix not initiating at all, fix the way I showed interest, fix what he could’ve thought unattractive, fix every stressor that could possibly be an obstacle to him wanting anything to do with me, fix my expectations for a sex life in our monogamous marriage, fix the fact that I wanted sex at all. It was never ending.
And I was never broken to begin with.
I was, however, easily manipulated.
I’d chase the ever moving goalposts and jump at any carrot dangled in front of me.
As someone that used to say ‘everything else is great-just a DB’ and ‘he’s my best friend!’ Time and distance have given me so much perspective on the reality of the dynamic that ruled our marriage. I know this won’t be the situation for everyone here, but for those that do relate, please understand that the only thing to ‘fix’ here is your marital status.