Hi my name is Mikey. I'm 17 years old and I'm so deep in the closet it's not even funny. I just don't know what to do because I'm dealing with abusive (I think? maybe I'm just over reacting?) parents. I tried to come out to my parent when I was about 10 years old. She basically just said "no you're not" and I didn't put up a fight cuz I was 10.
For background information, my mom is a nutcase. She beats the shit out of my dad and is super manipulative and controlling to me. I'm locked in my room pretty much 12 hours a day in front of a computer. The current battle is that I'm being forced to take 4 college classes outside of my extremely vigorous online high school schedule. My mom dismisses and yells at me every time I try to say I'm burnt out. My dad sometimes tries to help me, but then she'll scream at him and beat the shit outta him. I feel like I'm going insane because I'm going to bed at 2:00 am every night due to how much work I have to do.
I try to be a really good kid (straight A's, no drugs/drinking, always willing to help out) and I still get treated like I'm not worthy of any respect or trust. My mom won't let me cut my hair short (even though having to look in the mirror is slowly killing me), she goes through everyone of my texts (and often replies on my behalf to my teenage friends), she stalks all my friends from my account on instagram, and I have to fight tooth and nail to be able to dress myself.
I've been starting to drop hints about my gender because I'm getting to my breaking point and every time I say something about dressing more masculine or cutting my hair, she doubles down with the "we were so excited to have a girl when you were born!" "you're our sweet daughter" and I feel like it has to be intentional.
I'm sorry for the vent, but I go to an online school so I'm literally completely alone and I don't have anyone to talk to. My older brother is at college and he's still getting controlled by her everyday (she still picks his outfits every day and chooses what he eats wtf???) so I'm just feeling really terrified that I have to keep feeling like this for the foreseeable future.