Fiancé cheated on me at the beginning of relationship
My (27f) fiancé (29m) and I have been together since October of 2023. I absolutely adored him, thought he was the love of my life, and he treated me like I was the stuff of dreams. Anyone would think we were an ideal couple, we got along so well and meshed perfectly. These years together have been amazing with him. He supports me and takes care of me, prioritizes my comfort over his and goes out of his way for me. I loved him with everything I had, and I’ve never had a reason to doubt his loyalty. We were going to get married in August, but two weeks ago I found out he cheated on me during the beginning of the relationship.
Let me clarify the timeline. We met originally in September of 2023, and we were casual, met through tinder. I didn’t want anything long term and told him so. I have no claim to exclusivity then, and no judgement for whatever he was doing in his free time. But I didn’t expect us to get along the way we did, and he was successful in changing my mind. In late October, we did become an official couple. We had the exclusivity conversation, he told me he loved me, and so on. He met my family within the next couple months.
But it turns out he had met another woman also in September of 2023, and when he and I became official, he didn’t cut her off. He kept seeing her in November and December. And he kept talking to and texting her almost daily until February of 2024. She didn’t know about me, and I didn’t know about her. She lived in a different city that he would sometimes commute to for work. Turns out not all the trips were for work.
Part of me says, we are all human and all make mistakes. That it was maybe a gray area of the start of dating for him, that he wasn’t as invested so early. That he’s treated me so well ever since. And the part of me that has more self respect I guess says cheating is cheating. He knew I do not share, and did not tell me because I would’ve left him then and there.
The confrontation already happened. He didn’t deny anything, didn’t get defensive, didn’t turn it around. He said he did wrong, and that he knows it. And that he didn’t know how to tell me and he couldn’t bear to be without me. Seems genuinely remorseful, never seen him ugly cry the way he did. But they all cry when they’re caught, don’t they?
I haven’t cut him off with no contact but I am not living with him now. He gave me money to remove myself. But I don’t know exactly what to do. And maybe it’s because I’m only 2 weeks out and I’m still feeling so lost. My world flipped upside down and my heart shattered. Today he asked me for a second chance, that he’d do anything and give me the best life possible. And I believe he would try. But I don’t know if I could. I just kept repeating to him it wouldn’t work. And he wanted me to say verbatim “I don’t want to be with you” but I just kept saying it wouldnt work.
How could I ever hear him compliment me when I read the things he texted her? How could I ever hold his hands when I know what his hands did to her? Is it normal to not know what to do yet? This genuinely sucks, he was the light of my life and it feels like he killed my fiancé, and everyone keeps asking “what will you do? Will you give him another chance? Can you see yourself living without him? Hasnt he been your happiness?”