It’s been 9 months since my wife said I love you. Should I give up?
As the title says my wife hasn’t said I love you to me in 9 months.
For some back story we have been together for 20 years now and almost daily we always said I love you. 5 years ago I had a heart attack and midlife crisis and was a horrible husband/person to her and everyone. I lost my mind during this time and got very depressed and started texting with lots of different people including women and one particular woman gave me a mutual interest. We would hang out after work and eventually we kissed and fooled around a little bit. Never actually doing the deed but just touching.
I felt guilty and broke it off after a month and it tore me up. My wife went through my phone texts one day and saw messages between me and this woman and a couple of nsfw photos from her to me that I hadn’t deleted. I spent three years apologizing and working on myself. I never hung out with any women again and do not give my number to anyone. Ever!! I am not that man anymore and knew that I messed up.
Fast forward to 2024 and my wife begins acting strange. She is always on her phone, going for long walks, becoming distant. A few weeks goes by and she tells me that she doesn’t love me anymore and that she wants me to leave. I refuse. She spends the next month sleeping on the couch. I had suspicions and one day she left her apple watch on the counter. It dings and I see a message. I open it and find out that she has been messaging another man and telling her sisters about it. I confront her and she admits that she had fallen for another man and wants a divorce so she could be with him. I’m devastated but won’t leave because I love her with all my heart. She was just turning 40 and I felt she was going through a midlife crisis of her own. After her birthday she comes crawling back to me asking forgiveness. Turns out the other man was married and using her. I am and always have been the forgiving type and held her close and told her I loved her no matter what.
Now it’s 2025 in October the last time she physically said I love you. She will hug me and kiss me. Sex has only been 4 times since then. She denies there being anyone else but never ever leaves her phone lying around or unlocked. She’s always getting messages and responds to them. I don’t want to be in a loveless and sexless marriage but I’m getting too old to start over (53). I want to be loved. I want passion. She says via text message that she loves me just not the same way she used to. So should I leave this marriage or hope that one day she sees me for me?