Am I aroace?
Okay, so for a bit of context, I was in a 4 year relationship and when things broke off I felt a lot lighter after I got over like the initial sadness of possibly losing the connection we had. When talking to other people, I’m completely okay with making sexual jokes, but as soon as it gets anything past those jokes, I start to feel repulsed and very disgusted with myself. and when I was in my 4 year relationship, we would engage sexually, but I never felt there. I always felt out of it. It felt more like a necessity to do to make them happy than for myself. I’ve never needed intimacy to keep me happy before. And, I mainly just want the connection I can get from a relationship, but not the actual relationship if any of that makes sense. my ex would constantly ask me if I was asexual because I never was in the mood or really wanted sex and in-fact I’ve cried during/immediately after. All that I want now is just a connection I don’t want anything romantic I want it all platonic.
Umm if I could maybe get some like help figuring this put I’d love that, and thank you for reading all this. Also I didn’t know if I needed to add the NSFW so tell me if I do