My relationship made me realize I have low self-esteem.
I think I’m finally coming to terms with how low my self esteem has gotten in this relationship.
My boyfriend says things like he “doesn’t have confidence” that he can meet my needs, acts like basic affection (flowers, small gestures, dates) is asking for too much, and constantly complains about money, while spending nonstop on alcohol without a second thought.
I found him on dating apps. I found messages with other women. And when we first started talking, he slept with an old fling and hid it from me.
Somehow I kept forgiving everything and shrinking my needs smaller and smaller just to keep the relationship alive.
Sex was somewhat decent for a brief period, but he struggles with erectile dysfunction and I’m now to blame because I mentioned it.
Now I just feel emotionally empty. Like I’ve accepted so much disrespect that my heart finally has nothing left to give.
I want to love and be loved in a way that feels safe, wanted, and genuine… and I’m starting to realize I may never get that here.
I don’t even know what advice I’m looking for. Maybe just words from people who’ve been here before.