u/FreshCriticism5628

Can we move past this?
Hi guys this is my first time posting on Reddit so I’m sorry if it doesn’t make much sense but basically my boyfriend and I moved in together a couple of months ago freshly out of both our parents houses. We started dating back in October 2025. I know it’s pretty recent and I heard a lot of criticism when it came to moving out with your partner so early in the relationship but due to a lot of abuse i endured in my family life he gave me a way out and I guess I just leaped for it. Now I guess ever since moving in together it has been great for the most part but as time goes on you can see the baggage we both carry. We both have bad communication habits as I am very anxiously attached and pushy when it comes to our problems but he is extremely avoidant about everything and anything. Recently tho I went through his phone based on a feeling in my gut and I found a secret Instagram account and after confronting him and arguing and I will even admit to pushing him and smacking him on the chest out of anger and hurt, I thought it was something we could work around. He promised it would be different and he even sat with me and deleted the account and let me look further if I wanted. I believed him. But I started to lash out in my own way with extreme insecurities and rage every chance I got until i felt so angry one night that I began texting my ex behind his back so that if he ever found out about it, he would be just as hurt as I was. Now I know I took it to the extreme and a normal person would have just left if it was hurting that badly but my first thought was to get back at him. Well two nights ago I went thru his phone again and found even more on it like a secret twitter account and u can assume what was on that. I had set a clear boundary during multiple conversations that I am not okay with porn in our relationship and he lied to my face and kept watching it. So I confronted him for the last time and I even admitted to talking to my ex again. In the heat of that moment I saw him snap in a way I didn’t think I would ever experience in my life and he screamed at me for a couple of minutes until he came at me full force while I was on the couch and proceeded to strangle me for what felt like hours. I was able to get him off and ran into another room where he held me by the arms and slapped me across the face. I was eventually able to leave and ran to a friends house nearby. We talked a lot over the course of that same day and he eventually begged me to come back and I did. Now he’s been love bombing me every chance he gets and I just feel so limp and depressed and I don’t know if this is fixable. I know I broke it down completely and I know this is also all my fault. But I don’t know what to do. I have nowhere to go either. He promised me that everything would be okay and that we could move foward and that he wants me in his life more than anything else. I don’t know how to deal with any of this. I don’t claim myself as the victim but I feel horrible.