Having major trouble budgeting, and as a result, with my marriage. Hoping I can get some pointers on where I can turn to make some habit changes, or get some tips from folks who’ve had a similar problem.
I’ve always been cautious about money problems, since my parents, through a combination of disorganization, bad habits, and lack of planning, were (are) never great with it. As I entered and grew in the working world and from my twenties and into my thirties, money always scared me, and rather than keep a budget, I avoided money problems by mostly just not spending much. This worked great until I got into a relationship, then married, then became a parent.
My wife does well, and while she’s definitely not afraid to spend money, she’s very proactive, and organized about everything, finances included. I, in turn, become a deer in the headlights when we talk about money, budgeting, looking for a larger home, etc. We’ve hired a financial planner, which helps us with long term goals, investment, but while I do plenty of talking everywhere else, my wife always takes the lead on the meeting, plus any e-mail follow-ups, to do’s to set up accounts, etc. While I’m a smart guy, and do okay, I get overwhelmed and kind of “zone out” in the meetings/emails, and drop the ball on any necessary follow ups.
My wife has consistently paid for all of the “big”things, particularly that have come with having a baby, and has helped me consistently when I’ve fallen short, and while this has usually come from costlier months with finances, I’ve also found myself overextending on credit cards (not on trips or golf clubs or anything, but just on living expenses). After a big tax bill, my wife asked how much I could cover, and when I was cloudy with an answer, she asked me to run some numbers and put a figure together. I put an excel spreadsheet together, full of incorrect data that demonstrated to her that I didn’t understand what was coming and going. She’s become very frustrated, and has said that while she can accept me not being proactive, she can’t see me do destructive things that hold her back.
I don’t want to lose her, so I’m looking on tips on how to take a step in the right direction.