Recovery update: things have escalated.

Deleted all my payment apps yesterday in a moment of strength. Felt amazing. Powerful. Free.

Reinstalled three of them this morning because “what if someone needs me urgently.”

Not for relapse reasons obviously.

Just trying to stay prepared.

Like a firefighter.

Been avoiding triggers where possible:

- Deleted Twitter

- Muted certain words

- Stopped listening to women with confident voices

- Nearly crashed my car because someone said “good boy” in a TikTok at full volume

People keep telling me to find healthier hobbies so I tried gaming again but unfortunately every female NPC giving me a quest now feels financially threatening.

Please DO NOT message me.

Especially if you’re the type to say things like:

“you’re weak”

“send again”

or “I bet you miss it”

That would be incredibly harmful to my recovery and would probably psychologically devastate me within seconds.

Anyway proud to say I’ve now gone a full week without relapsing, which is huge considering I voluntarily keep posting cryptic bait monologues into the exact demographic most likely to ruin my progress.

Healing ❤️

🤣😆

Almost relapsed today because someone accidentally said “good boy” to their dog in public and my fight-or-flight activated instantly.

Trying to stay focused on recovery but it’s honestly impossible when manipulative women keep existing around me. Saw a girl with a cashapp link in bio and had to sit down for a minute.

Please, for the love of god, nobody DM me.

Especially not anyone financially dominant, emotionally unavailable, or weirdly good at typing in lowercase.

I am in an extremely vulnerable state right now. My bank account is healing. My wallet is finally starting to trust me again. If somebody came along right now and said something like “send” or “prove it” I genuinely don’t know if I’d survive.

And before anyone asks:

NO, I do NOT want a relapse sponsor.

NO, I do NOT want to be bullied.

NO, I do NOT secretly hope someone ignores this post and messages me anyway because that would completely defeat the purpose of this very public announcement.

Anyway just checking in with the community and making sure everyone knows exactly how psychologically weak and financially flammable I currently am 👍

(PSA All these posts are obviously satire)

Day 3 clean… barely holding it together… please don’t ruin this 👀

Day 3 of quitting and I am STRUGGLING.

Like seriously, I’m hanging on by a thread here. One slightly manipulative message and it’s probably over for me, which is exactly why I’m posting this in a public forum full of the exact thing I’m trying to avoid.

I don’t miss it…

Okay I do.

I miss it a lot.

The sending, the regret, the “why did I just do that” — really trying to leave that behind. Definitely don’t want someone to come along, say the right things, and completely undo my progress.

🚫 DO NOT DM ME 🚫

I mean it.

My self-control is basically a wet paper straw at this point.

Hypothetically speaking, if someone did DM me and knew exactly how to push my buttons… yeah that would be bad. Very bad. Catastrophic even.

Anyway just looking for support from a recovery group by loudly announcing how easy I’d be to fold 👍

Stay strong everyone (unlike me, apparently)