New to Reddit, but wanted to see if I could get any feedback before making myself look foolish trying to navigate finding a literary agent to further this book I've typed.
The intro:
Which side of me do you want?
Do you want the stereotypical trauma-soaked former road cop? The one who left for work every shift with a smile, then spent well over the usual twelve-hour shifts buried in child exploitation cases, undercover narcotics buys, sexual assault investigations, and fatal crash investigations that always seemed to happen between calls. The cop that came home after all of that with my knuckles tight and my jaw tighter, looking for something to punch just to release whatever was left inside of me.
Or do you want the family woman? The loving partner and stepmom, trying to build a white-picket-fence life for my wife and our son, doing everything I can to make us feel grounded during a custody battle, big move, and transition for my wife’s career, and learning how to navigate autism to do what is best for our son, but the family woman side of me, that switch flips and it’s fine. Nothing is going to shake the foundation of our family, it’s all going to be okay, and, if it isn’t well when you guys go to bed I’m probably going to lose my head some and go to the gym, but have no fear, you won’t ever see that because I will not let our son, or you see the “bad side.”
Do you want the small-town Christina daughter? The one who grew up adoring my family, the side that flips on a smile through gritted teeth and does the cliché, “southern charm,” formalities at every community event on command. The same daughter that ends up arguing with my family about religious beliefs, sexuality, politics, ethics – pretty much everything that actually matters, but have no fear, when the public is around, I am the church deacon’s daughter, and I can smile, shake hands, and ask about every member of that darling family of yours, but I also internally role my eyes at every hypocritical remark I over hear.
Or do you want the truth? The honest alcoholic who waits until everyone’s asleep to pour a drink and really think, how the hell do I survive tomorrow without faltering and falling apart during one of the many faces I’m going to put on throughout my course of the day tomorrow?
So tell me – Which version of me are you actually asking for?
Because if we’re being honest, every single one of us wears a handful of fake faces every day. We all have sides we keep tucked away, versions of ourselves we only take out when the world demands them.
But where does all of that hiding actually get us? I mean, other than finishing a bottle of wine or vodka (no judgment here), and then scrolling through our phones and sending texts at 2 a.m., we are going to regret it 3 hours later when waking up for work, in either our own bed or someone else's, again, no judgment, I say it because I've been there.
I’m at least ready to lay mine out for you – every side, every mask, and how I ended up collecting them in the first place. It’s an interesting journey, sure. It’s not going to be some swooning emotional rollercoaster like a romance novel. It won’t be a tear-jerking saga designed to tug at your heartstrings with every hard- won, broken-down life battle. And it definitely isn’t the kind of story where I claw my way to the top and become this hero in the end. Honestly, it is what I would like to think would be classified as a, “shit-show.”
I’ll say this, it’s at least entertaining.
When we get to the last page, I would love to know which side of me you actually liked – or even believed? Because somewhere along the way, I lost track of which version of me was even supposed to be real.