We’ve been dating for two years and our relationship has been primarily online (ik online dating, gross) due to being about a five hour drive away from each other. We still see each other roughly once a month though.
I truly don’t believe any of what she says or does is meant to be malicious, but it just feels like sabotage.
- She doesn’t let me talk about my friends to her, and doesn’t let me mention her to them.
- She doesn’t let me text her while I’m talking to them or while I play video games with them
- If I talk to my friends online for just about any amount of time, when I return she pretty much resents me. She claims not to, but she just acts so cold and like she doesn’t want me around.
- She is very against that one if my friends is a woman (and a lesbian), but acknowledges that this hatred is irrational. However, she still says she is uncomfortable with the fact that most of her friends were men, and has since pretty much stopped interacting with them. I, of course, told her that I don’t care who she is friends with, but that didn’t dissuade her from dropping them
These examples are just regarding my social life, but I will probably end up posting more on this subreddit to ask about different aspects of our relationship.
I don’t know if it’s relevant, but I am autistic, I’ve never had a job, and I can’t drive (which matters since we both like in rural areas). She works and has a car. I think she has some mental illness that would explain some behaviors, but not excuse it. We are at different points in our lives and that causes additional strain.
When I bring up the “rules” relating to my friends, she often says that “our priorities are different.” I am pretty sure that is her way of saying I don’t care about the right things. I don’t think she’s completely wrong, but at this point in my life all I really have is her and my friends and my family. That means my friends are one of my priorities
It’s to the point where I feel like I’ve been conditioned, intentionally or not, into not wanting to talk to my friends anymore. And I know that’s a very bad thing.
So my question is: How do I tell her that I have a problem with these rules without coming across as accusatory and argumentative? Also, if you are on her side, please give me feedback regarding that too, anything helps (:
And please don’t just answer with “break up” or something lol
TLDR; Potentially controlling girlfriend has conditioned me into not wanting to talk to my friends.