I’m struggling to understand how I could do so much for him and still not be enough.
I’m a 39-year-old woman and my partner is 43M. We’ve been together for 5 years and have a 3-year-old daughter together. I’m currently dealing with cancer and other health issues, and recently he told me he wants “a woman whose body is not broken” and that he wants 2 boys.
What hurts even more is that we had an agreement that once I finished treatment and my health improved, I would go back to work and then we would try for another baby together. I thought we were just trying to survive a hard season and get through it as a team.
I’m struggling to understand how I could do so much for someone and still not be enough.
I’ve started mentally listing everything I did in our relationship because I genuinely cannot make sense of this breakup. I handled almost everything in our life together while also dealing with cancer and caring for our daughter, who also has medical/dietary needs.
I did the laundry, dishes, cleaning, budgeting, grocery shopping, lists, planning, driving, itineraries, taxes, paperwork, insurance forms, and scheduling. I managed his doctor appointments, medications, pill organizers, vitamins, health issues, blood pressure, special soaps/products for his skin, clothes that fit comfortably, and even helped manage his anxiety and temper.
I managed his LLCs, properties, taxes, and paperwork for his parents’ visas. I handled home repairs like installing toilets and fans. I managed almost all of our child’s medical care, appointments, supplies, insurance issues, and special diet needs. I cooked meals he liked, packed everything whenever we traveled, and basically carried the mental load for the entire household.
I even did personal care things like cutting his hair, toenails, and fingernails because I wanted to take care of him.
Meanwhile, his responsibilities at home were mostly working remotely and helping with our child in the evenings.
Now he says he still loves me, but wants a different future because he wants more children and doesn’t know if my health will improve enough. He has also said maybe in the future we could get back together if my cancer gets better.
I know relationships are more than chores and responsibilities, but I genuinely feel heartbroken and confused. I gave everything I had emotionally, mentally, physically, and practically. I feel like I spent years trying to make everyone else’s life easier while slowly disappearing myself.
I think part of what hurts most is realizing how much of my identity became caretaking and trying to hold everything together.