u/Friendly-Fire-P08

TL;DR: extended family member will likely be at kink events I plan to attend. How do I figure out what to do? Am I tweaking?

After some experience in adjacent circles, I think it’s finally time for me to get involved in a kink community. Certain kinks feel as vital to my fulfillment as any other type of relationship. There are no events in my hometown but I’m moving to a new area soon that has plenty of cozy events! It’s a medium sized town out in the sticks but very active.

The problem is: I have a family member who may very well be at the events I want to join. They are significantly older and I’m not super close with them (we get along). I don’t want to explain why I know they’re involved (word travels). Let’s just say the chances are over 50% I will run into them.

I’ve really struggled with a fear of discovery and my sex life / interest in kink (word travels). I REALLY. DO. NOT. WANT to see my family while in that headspace lmao. It sucks if this means I can’t do what I’ve been working up the courage for. I’m hoping I’m just being my usual level of neurotic about this.

I don’t know if there’s even a solution. I’m interested in hearing how people have dealt with similar situations, like ex-friends in the same circles, ect. Do you approach them and talk it out? Do you quit? Is this a common issue?

I’m interested in a scenario where someone who I do not know enters my home and fucks me. The problem is, I’m not sure how to keep this fantasy as in tact as possible while employing safe guards.

My first thoughts are: condoms, telling a close friend, and establishing a safe word / limits.

I’ve never done this before and I know most of the advice I’ll get is probably “then don’t do it. You’re not ready” but I find it helpful to talk through things. I would be very grateful if someone humored me. The questions on my mind are “how do I vet?” And “how do I report / damage control if something does go wrong”. My major concerns are being assaulted or filmed.

What are some common safeguards for this scenario? I’m not in the scene but I know this isn’t an uncommon fantasy.