u/Friendly-Macaron2359

Me and my partner get sexually intimate maybe like once a month, though I would want more because he's really good at making me feel good. But often he's not in the headspace (exhausted from work, him feeling unattractive but not seeking my reassurance etc). I asked him if there's any concerns I should know or something I should do differently, but he said there's none for me to worry about.

For a while I'm cool with these reasons, but I'm starting to wonder, if maybe I didn't satisfy him and that's why he's hardly turned on enough.

He's been great, not rushing me, not even expecting we'll have PIV for us to be in a romantic relationship. But I can't help but wonder if there's indeed a part of him he's hiding to not hurt my feelings and make me feel bad about something I can hardly control.

He's said PIV is how he experiences the most pleasure, and he's embarrassed that he doesn't experience pleasure from handjobs/blowjobs. We'd dry hump and he said he'd like to focus on my pleasure, but to my knowledge he never came off. Is that a bad thing? Is it really possible for a man to be truly content with getting his partner off, or am I just anxious and insecure with my condition?

Update to last month's attempt.

So far it appears me and my partner's frequency of getting hot and heavy is maybe once a month. There were some points I felt undesirable (thanks PMS) and had to try really hard to apply the skills I learned from therapy. Gladly, we are intimate in other ways like lots of kisses and cuddling throughout the day - unless one/both of us is sick.

It also appears I like this guy so much that most of the month I've been wanting to get hot and heavy, but he often doesn't on the account he's got days he doesn't feel attractive or too lazy to groom himself (though I don't really mind), or mentally exhausted from work. And I've just gotten a job, so perhaps I'd experience that too soon enough.

And I think, because we try quite rarely, the progress is gonna be rather slow. What I thought was gonna take maybe a couple of months might just take a few years at least. Sometimes because of my own horniness I feel frustrated because I so want him that close.

On the other hand, I realise even though I'd much rather not have this condition at all and experienced the trauma that led to it, how privileged I am to have this problem, rather than an impatient boyfriend (I'm the impatient one, but it is my body), and my heart aches for fellow folks here who deserve much better partners. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. There is hope out there, even if it's not in the form of being cured, it may be in the form of good company. This is a reminder to myself too.

Edit: Formatting