u/Friendly-Papaya5673

I'm a 24 yr old(M) who's been with this girl(23) for the past year. She has a 3 yr old from a previous relationship. Often times her words don't match her actions when it comes to me. After a few months of dating I began to notice she sort of wanted things from her past relationship to continue with ours. They had cheat on her and made her insecure, so for example she didn't want me holding the door for anyone or saying thank you to waitresses. There was some drama surrounding the BD because he was pissed she didnt go back to him as she had before when he would cheat or manipulate her with self harm. I constantly ask to hangout with her anytime I am free(weekends and after work). I would say 8/10 times the answer is no. She usually makes plans with friends for the weekend. If I do see her it is usually just to eat. She used to come over all the time and same with me going to her place. We would go on day trips. Once we talked about moving in together after our leases were up in September of this year, she kinda changed. She said she wanted to prepare herself to live with someone again. Shortly after that she began making tons of new friends, went from 4 people she usually hungout with to over 20 within a week. All are moms and have similar interests. There's been a few times where we had plans for dinner, but her group asked her to go to dinner after their meetup and she would cancel or change date just an ice cream date. She is someone who has a lot of past trauma and sort of makes me pay for others sins or projects what other people did to her onto me. Always fears I would leave or hurt her despite showing no signs or evidence of that. For her ex bday last year she made sure to get gifts for her child to give him that day and let her pick out a card. For mine this year I did not even see her and she offered to meet me at target and walk around with her instead. I declined because I made sure her bday last year was amazing and spent the whole day doing special things she loves to do, I wasn't even asking for that. Just wanted to spend time with her and her child even if it was at my apartment. Speaking of my apartment, I changed it all around to be better suited to have a 3 yr old over with toys and child locks on doors. I've helped her out in financial ways as well, even when she didn't ask for help at all. I've always considered her feelings before making any decision. Our plan was to stay here for a year and then move, somehow she didnt think I should be part of conversation on where we should move to. I told her the states I liked one day and she responded with "I already chose Minnesota, I forgot to tell you". That brings us to this past weekend. My mom came to visit, they have never met eachother. On Sunday we went on a daytrip to a bigger town near us. We had planned to go to arcade, zoo, art gallery, shop a little for her bday and her daughters bday, and eat. She only wanted to be in arcade for 20 mins, and then shop rest of day. I make a decent amount of money and for holidays I have bought her and her daughter stuff. More than I probably should have. But on this sunday, the first day she met my mom, she expected her to buy her $700 worth of baby clothes, toys, and other clothing. Just because my mom said she would buy them a present. Idk why she would think a present meant $700, and my mom didn't really take offense to it at first but she did say she could not imagine expecting something like that from someone she just met. She also was acting very odd, like shier than I've ever seen her that day. Almost standoffish. Then on Monday I had work and she text my mom asking to go get ice cream and talk since she didn't as much the previous day. My mom was asleep and didn't reply till she woke up. My gf had taken her lack of response as "she must not like me" and text me while I was at work that my mom doesnt like her at all and she can take a hint. My mom apologized that night. She did not respond to my mom until the next morning and it was a little bit of a smart ass response for sure. Then my mom text her asking if we could all go get ice cream today and she didn't text back but told me to meet her at the mall at the ice cream place since she had some time before her friends got there. We went and she barely talked at all, had never seen her like that before. Then later on in the day in the last few hrs my mom was there, she text me saying she "wants to be in my arms and just have me alone for a bit". This was odd because she never texts this or says yes when I ask for the exact date she suggested. My mom thought it was disrespectful since she knew it was her last few hrs visiting. She knew that my mom felt that way and sent her a message saying it wasn't a big deal pretty much. My mom responded and said her opinion. Then she told me basically she would never have kids with me because if we ever separated I would let my kids around my mom. I told her she sounded insane. Over last couple days we've continued to talk. She's revieled she already thought about what would happen if we ever got divorced and knows I wouldn't let her have complete control like she has over her BD(she has full custody but lets them see their daughter). Then she said she's very territorial and all about her man and doesn't care about her family, said she would always choose me. I pointed out to her that shes used "my family is here that's why I can't come see you" as an excuse before, so that didn't make sense. She said she doesn't like when the person she is with has a "bond" or has family they can count on too. Mainly because she does not have that I personally think. I told her today that we are probably better off just friends because she said she wouldn't apologize or try to talk to them at all, they would never be around our kids, and if I ever went to visit her or she came to visit me she would not talk to me that day or come with me, she said she would let my other family around still but not her. I told her she would have to change a lot of perspectives. She said she wants to talk about everything tonight, but I'm feeling like I'm done. Should I even entertain it?