I want to say this upfront because I know how this might come across:
I’m not trying to make excuses or avoid accountability. I know I could be handling things better. I’m just trying to explain where I’m at mentally.
I don’t regret getting close with my girlfriend at all, but ever since we moved in together I feel like I’ve been declining. As a boyfriend, friend, and even as a person.
Quick backstory: we both got out of relationships around the same time and started off just messing around, only focused on each other. Feelings were already there, so we naturally started seeing each other more. Because of her living situation, she ended up moving in with me last year with the plan of saving up for her own place.
I live in a small 12x20 studio style tiny house, so it’s basically one open space besides the bathroom. Ever since she moved in, I’ve fallen out of my routine. I don’t see my friends like I used to, I stopped keeping up with my hobbies, and I feel really detached from myself. That’s started to affect how I show up in the relationship too.
Again, I know this isn’t just the situation. I know I play a role in this. But I’d be lying if I said the lack of space hasn’t been affecting me. We’re around each other literally every day, and we even work together, so there’s almost no separation at all.
She actually likes doing things and getting out, and she enjoys cooking and baking too, but realistically our space doesn’t really allow for that. On top of that, I’ve been struggling more financially since she moved in. Covering bills and everything has made it hard to save money, so even taking her out or doing thoughtful things for her has been harder than it should be. That’s been weighing on me a lot because I want to do more.
She doesn’t really have friends nearby (they’re either busy or far), and she can’t drive due to a serious condition, so she relies on me a lot. Because of that, most of our time still ends up being together.
Lately I’ve just been feeling exhausted like I don’t even have the energy to pour into myself, and at the same time I know I’m not being the boyfriend I want to be. So I feel like I’m falling short in both my own life and in the relationship.
Part of me feels like if we had separate spaces, things might feel healthier. Not even as a way to run from the relationship, but more so just to create balance time to miss each other, more to talk about, and for things to feel more intentional again. Right now everything kind of blends together because we moved fast and went straight into living together.
We’ve talked about it and we both know things moved quickly, but there’s still that pressure of trying to be a good partner while also trying to fix myself.
The hard part is she doesn’t really have family or anywhere else to go right now, so it’s not like there’s an easy solution.
I’m just trying to figure out where to even start without making things worse. It’s so tricky and I’m extremely overwhelmed