r/hsp

i’m a 23-year-old woman and i feel like i cry over everything. i don’t know if i’m naturally just a sensitive person or if it’s because i’ve been under a lot of stress lately, but i’m starting to feel ashamed of it.

for example, yesterday i asked my sister if she wanted to come with me to run a few errands, and she agreed. i was looking forward to spending some time together because i really value quality time with my family. then today it seemed like she was reconsidering because it wasn’t really worth the trip for her and she’d rather just go straight to her boyfriend’s house afterward. i ended up feeling like seeing me wasn’t really a priority, and it hurt my feelings.

i started crying, and she called me “sensitive,” which honestly felt like the cherry on top. then my mom asked me why i have to cry over everything and told me that what i’m upset about “isn’t that serious.”

the thing is, i’ve been going through a really difficult time lately. i’ve been dealing with job rejections, school rejections, uncertainty about my future, and just feeling disappointed and discouraged in general. my family knows this, which is part of why those comments hurt so much.

i know other people have bigger problems, but when i’m already overwhelmed, even small disappointments can make me cry. i don’t want to feel like crying is a crime or that i’m somehow defective because i’m emotional.

for women who used to cry easily or feel deeply, did anything help? is this something i can work on, or do i just need to learn how to accept that i’m a sensitive person? i’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s gone through something similar.

I'm not sure if it is just me? Or it's a hsp thing but i feel really triggered when someone read my message and don't reply me.

Isn't it just normal manners? Especially so when that is someone that is close to me. I'm really tired dealing with this kind of thing.

I can't simply turn off my brain. How about others? Same experience? It's a mistake to have some expectation from others I guess? Just a simple reply is too difficult? I just don't get it.

Edit: i noticed a few comments talking about my expectation about the other person reply immediately. But i never said that. Just a reply would be good

I need help.

For context, I have a friend of a different religion who asked me to go to church with her, let's call her Nana. She's a dear friend of mine and I wanted to see her again so I agreed (I'm catholic by the way, she's baptist). I asked permission from my mom, she was against the idea of me going to the church at first since it wasn't my religion, but after a bit of convincing, she agreed to let me go and I was so happy.

We invited our other friend, Louie, who also agreed to come with us. The church was 7:30 am to 11:00 pm. I couldn't update my mom since phones weren't allowed, but the gurch ended around 11:30. Nana couldn't come home with us since she had 2pm church, Louie and I had to go first, we decided to stop by a coffee shop and wait for another friend. But Louie went back first since I was still waiting. I was hungry, so I ate at a restaurant beside the coffee shop (it was pretty cheap but atleast I had food!).

Since the weather was kind of nice, after I met up with our other friend, I decided to walk back home since it was also recommended to me anyway to do exercises due to my weight and my agonizing period.

When I got home, it was around 2:00 pm. I told my mother honestly that I walked back home, she asked me why and I told her I just wanted to walk home. She got so mad at me, telling me that I must have finally grown devil horns for not eating and disobeying her, for always looking for ways to make myself sick and that it's HER problem if we get sick since the money is hers to spend and look for.

I failed to tell her I actually ate. I even apologized several times because I didn't want this to ruin our day, but she kept brushing me off.

And she was yelling, mad at me, telling me that I was such a devil child. I've had enough and told her that I ate but she wouldn't let me finish my words because she always cut me off.

She told me not to scream at her and she went on and on and on about bad of an influence my friends were, how devilish I was, how my horns were longer and longer.

I knew she was worried and mad, but it hurts me so much, her words hurt me so much and no one in the house cares.

And I failed to see what was wrong; my siblings don't message my mum every single thing they're doing, they go on long walks too, they even come home later than I do. They don't even inform my mother what they're doing half the time! And I always ate on time as well, even if no one is looking.

I ate, I went to church, I had such a fun time with my friends and at the church. I learned so much too!

But what did I do wrong? I don't know, was I actually wrong? Am I just so dumb that I don't see what I did? Please help me.

To a dear friend.

I have to be honest with you, I understand that this topic is a massive point of friction for you, and in the end I cannot disagree with the reasons that you feel this way. It is a hard truth that the world our species has created has been vastly dictated by the whims and desires of the masses. Most of the time, technological advancement taking precedent over true quality of life for humans. And what’s even worse is that most of the people seem to be wholeheartedly willing to accept any new status quo as long as it makes their life easier in some way.

Even if this technological advancement comes at the cost of millions of men, women and children writhing away at factories producing the components required to feed this relentlessly insatiable machine, and even if endless tons of water are wasted in what seems like a system designed and perfectly built to alienate people more than ever and sever them from the very thing that makes us human and gives any real meaning in our lives:

Authenticity, the never-ending pursuit of self improvement, empathy towards those that suffer, and the human spark of creativity.

I realize that these points are a pain in your soul that as a fellow creative person you are unable to come to terms with. But, please try to understand that we are not your enemies.

God knows that the few of us that we choose to have and keep in our lives are mostly if not entirely driven by similar feelings and similar emotions regarding this unfair and soul crunchingly unjust system we humans have created. You know that me and the others have suffered in some ways in life, partly similar to yours, and partly not so much, always in just enough ways though to feel like the ones that do not fit this world, that cannot be like others in this world. Yet despite our efforts sometimes we find ourselves incapable of being anything other than who we really are.

We may find the use of AI beneficial or even bemusing to us and our creative pursuits, sometimes able to assist us with small parts that we otherwise would not be able to create (music/illustrations) but we do not put our heads in the sand and pretend that the costs of AI are not real and indeed devastating.

We do not refuse it’s use because we find acceptable the suffering of human lives elsewhere in the planet, in a dark, cold environment where their suffering will never find justice. Nor do we refuse the incomprehensible amounts of water that are currently wasted by many standards to a technological pursuit that in the end can hardly promise wealth or improvement for the majority of people’s lives, instead it ensures those things for the very few that control this beast.

We instead believe that the fallacy of individual responsibility cannot and will not tip the scale of destruction that is caused by the absence of regulation or the enablement of corrupt state bodies.

As singular entities, we have very little power to enact meaningful change as we are not people that have the stomach to pursue professional careers that might bring us to a future position capable to enact these changes upon the world.

We are and always have been outsiders just as you. However, feeling enraged and reacting with exasperated remarks regarding our justification for using such technology in our lives does not improve the landscape, for small as our circle is, such remarks oftentimes run the risk of shrinking it ever more.

We only have each other and in the end if we were to truly hold ourselves responsible for the devastating impact our small pleasures in life have caused, we would refuse to buy cheap clothes, smartphones, play videogames, use the internet and use most of the technology in our present life that is also very responsible and has been up until this point for the destruction of our planet and the feeling of isolation most of us feel nowadays.

I only implore you that the next time you find a specific aspect of our daily lives offensive to your sensitivities, you consider the possibility that we also have sensitivities of our own, and that if we were to talk about these aspects respectfully and calmly, we would never really object your worldviews, we just choose a different choice than you do while still harboring the same kindred spirit within our hearts and minds.

Your friend.

PS. This was not generated by an AI, just your fellow human

While everyone is celebrating in chaos and playing with fireworks, drinking, yelling… I am literally BUNKERED DOWN in my apartment as if there is a war occurring outside. Because that’s what it feels like or us, there is a war happening outside.

Had a lovely time at pride (trans woman here in red dress and heels long blonde wig and all my makeup done) was getting off the bus to go home and a man on a bike yells hey that’s a man your a man!! So loudly!!

What could I have done or yelled back?? It really kinda upset me and I think was so rude.

I didn’t know what to say tho so I just kept walking.

it is always so embarrassing. others will cry for understandable reasons. something horrible happened, they are frustrated, or even just so sad for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with me. but i see them cry and be sad and i get so overly sympathetic that i have to stop myself from crying and it's so unbearable. i usually fail. it's like i'm making their sadness about myself. i'm not trying to, it's just. idk. i am not equipped to help people with grief or sadness. i want to help people like this but unfortunately i don't know how to get myself together.

I’m struggling with something right now and really need to know if I’m overreacting, or if anyone else experiences this.

There is a creator I support on Instagram constantly. I always show up in their comment section in a genuinely positive, loyal way. Normally, they reply to almost everyone. But recently, they responded to an entire thread of comments from the day before—except mine and one other person's.

Logically, I know people get busy, notifications glitch, and social media isn't real life. But as a highly sensitive person, it feels like a very public, selective snub. It triggers so much self-doubt and anxiety, making me feel invisible and embarrassed for caring so much. It takes a lot of emotional energy to put yourself out there, even just in a comment section, and being skipped while watching everyone else get a reply hurts deeply.

I’m at the point where I just want to shut down, match their energy, and stop interacting with them entirely to protect my peace.

• How do you cope with the intense rejection sensitivity of being ignored online?

• Is it better to quietly mute/unfollow them, or should I just stop commenting and see if they eventually notice my absence?

Would love to hear how you handle this without letting it ruin your day. Thanks.

Is anyone else married to or cohabitating with an extroverted partner and running into difficulty?

I often feel 'lesser' because I can't keep up with the amount of tasks, socializing, and activities they need. I feel overwhelmed often, like I'm being pulled in many directions I don't necessarily want to go in. Ideally, I wish I COULD do all the things they want to do, but I know myself and my system well enough to know it is a recipe for burn out for me.

How do you deal with this mismatch?

I got caught up in a discussion about whether or not children should have their own room or share them with siblings. I tried to voice that I would've had a hard time with it because I always needed my peace and quiet, and that not all kids would do well in that setting, especially when they become teenagers.

Well, for the hundredth time I got called a snowflake. Why can't people realize that this isn't weakness of character or being spoiled. I'm not choosing to feel like I want to pull my hair out or break down crying when things get unexpectedly hectic. The way I perceive things are very real to me and the lack of understanding is just painful.

I also have pretty bad anxiety that makes it hard for me to engage in conversations in the first place but each time I open up the slightest bit about myself and my experiences I get reminded why I just shouldn't talk about it.

Im curious about doing part time. I get so burnt out. I havent worked in a year. My personality type is INFJ.

I did one year psychology major. Second year i dropped out due to burn out and school not allowong me to express my creative intuitive vision.

My dream job is music. Because i work alone, i control my own hours. Idealistically, im just looking for a temporary job while i focus on my passions.

I dont live on my own i have more financial flexibility. Its just more about me feeling confident that i can have the ability to work alone most of the time because i find that toxic coworkers, managers, supervisors can consume my mood so easily.

I absorb so much information.

I worked a job child care for 12 hour shifts and I burnt out after 3 shifts of training. I tried 1 shift as a cook for a medium chain restaurant and I burnt out in 6 hours after absorbing everyones energy and auras.

Idealistically 4 hours of work. Which, isn't realistic. 6 hours would be tolerable.

I feel like I'm not lazy and I always feel guilt like I'm not doing enough. I don't know how to express it to people other than I burn out so fast and I feel guilt that I'm not working at not as financially independent. For reference I'm 25.

I'm like really lost in life and I'm tired of acting like I know what I'm doing.

I absorb peoples facial expressions, their hidden mask, their narcissistic traits, i sense aura, i sense energy shifts all the time. I tried turning it off but i explode. I actually kept it in during work before and i was crying in the bathroom. Its like what the fuck why am i this way im not built for this shit.

27-F diagnosed HSP by therapist and BPD by psychiatrist.

I feel like I am absolutely losing my mind!

HSP I completely resonate with and really helped me understand situations from childhood that I didn’t understand before. I have accepted it as a part of who I am and I love myself for it.

BPD on the other hand is a harder one. I don’t have this intense childhood trauma that usually triggers borderline personality disorder. Don’t get me wrong, I still have LOTS of trauma but more in teenage years to a few years ago.
I don’t know a lot about BPD bc I do resonate with so many of the things but not what causes it and some of the BIG tells.

Anyways what I’m getting at is how the hell do I deal with myself?! I’m falling apart.

The upvote and downvote system makes me anxious whenever I post or comment.

I know it’s pathetic, but we don’t choose our feelings. If I could, I wouldn't let these stupid things bother me.

But getting downvoted really disheartens me; it feels like something I just can't accept. If I happen to get more than 10 downvotes on a comment, I automatically feel terrible.

Again, I know it’s not a real problem and that I should find better sources of dopamine. But it’s sad knowing you’re in a dysfunctional situation and still being unable to break free from it.

Seems like I frequently get unsolicited comments about my appearance

Some manager just came into my office, didn’t knock just burst my door open like they always do

And said

You don’t
Look well. What’s wrong with you you look unwell

I said there’s nothing wrong with me

How rude and insulting.

This happens far too often, I’ve lost count the number of conversations initiated with me about how I look “very pale”, “look very tired”.

Imagine if I was going through something like an illness (which thank God I’m not), or a stress like a divorce and then receiving these comments? Do people not stop and think about how insulting and intrusive they’re being?

I’m just here to get my money and leave, leave me alone.

And I promise you their comments are completely unjustified. I work out, I eat extremely healthily, I have some natural makeup on.

I told a friend: "I sent someone a photo of a model kit that needed simple assembling, and he replied 'Surely your hands aren’t so clumsy that you can’t even put this together?' It made me feel a bit uncomfortable."
The friend: "Hmmm You must be a highly sensitive person."

I'm having a hard time shaking this one.

An acquaintance I really liked and wanted to get to know asked if I'd like to grab a coffee sometime. I was genuinely excited and replied asking when and where.

...and then nothing.

Eight months passed, so I sent one polite follow-up email in case life had simply gotten in the way. Still no response.

I won't be reaching out again, and I completely understand that nobody owes me a friendship. It just really hurts because she was the one who suggested meeting in the first place.

I've been struggling to make friends for a while, so this has hit me harder than it probably should. I guess I'm just feeling a bit discouraged and wondering if anyone else has been through something similar.

People just say what they want to say when they want to say.

It’s all social rules and that. It may be contradictory but heck with that eh

It might not be logical but there’s lots of power rules involved and norms

As a sensitive person maybe I analyze too much and thus suffer. But maybe I think neurotypicals just do whatever

I've been bullied for 8 years by the same person who I call best friend, her parents were my family friend so I met her in elementary school. We were in the same class and were together all the time. She constantly called me ugly and a loser. Whenever a guy liked me, she'd tell me he only liked me out of pity and would pressure me into being mean to him. She even made me strip in front of her brothers once. I didn't think much of it at the time because we were all kids but looking back, I realize how wrong it was. She also threatened to beat me up several times whenever I didn't listen to her. Our parents thought we were best friends. I never told anyone how badly she was bullying me and just kept it all inside. It completely destroyed my confidence. As I grew up, I genuinely believed I was the ugliest person in every room I went to. Whenever someone asked me out, I assumed they were only doing it out of pity. That's one of the reasons I've never dated anyone, even though I'm 24 now. I used to pretend to be sick just so I wouldn't have to go to school. At one point, my mother suspected something was wrong, but she thought we'd just had a one time fight. She made us hug each other, and my bully acted completely innocent. I cried myself to sleep almost every night. I still struggle with feeling like a loser. I gradually cut her off when I got to high school, and we eventually went our separate ways. She tried contacting me after high school, but I never responded and the funny part is that I actually wanted to reply, I actually missed the friendship we were supposed to have. Now she's a doctor. She has a really sweet best friend (or at least that's how it looks in the stories and videos she posts). Meanwhile, I just got my degree but still working part-time jobs, with no real friends, and I feel like a complete loser. I hate seeing her do so well after all the emotional trauma she put me through. I guess karma doesn't really work. How do you make peace with the fact that your bully never seemed to face any consequences?