u/lostinaview

it doesnt do anything or solve anything saying anything on reddit it doesnt solve my problems but i just like to vent sometimes to express how i feel because i dont really have anyone to say it to but having a place like this makes it easy to.

im scared, terrified, burnt out. i know i need a job. i havent worked in a while. i feel guilty for how long its been. people ask me what do i do for work i just make up fancy words to say that im unemployed.

i feel like im making excuses. like im a bum. i feel like its hard because i tried in the past to cap my sensitive side but i burn out and quit or just mask so much that i do eventually burn out and quit.

i went to a place that helps people get jobs. im afraid ill work again and quit from burn out.

i tried university and i burnt out because i felt so scared. i dont feel happy doing something that i dont see a purpose in. i thought if i get this job it would make me happy it would give me purpose and meaning it would show everyone how productive and meaningful i am.

what i realized is that no job will make me fulfilled. i feel the most when i am in the forest, when i am working out, when i am enjoying the world. i get so exhausted from people. people are the job. the job isnt the job its the people that make it a job. i get so consumed like a sponge with toxic people. not all people are bad i just absorb so much fucking shit i cant seem to turn it off. i tried and i cried in the work bathroom. just put a happy smile around your workers and act like everything is fine!!!! :(

i keep forcing myself to be this extroverted, fast pace, small talk, brush everything off my shoulders kind of person because thats what society expects you to be and im none of that.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

I had this trip where I broke through but it wasnt the traditional sense. I saw human beings. I never have before. These humans were doctors. Nurses. Ambulance workers. Scientists. They were examining me. I was in this consciousness pod. There was other consciousness pods there. They were empty. I was surrounded by scientists and nurses checking my vitals. They were doing experiments and they examined my consciousness and they could see everything about my life and whats going on in it like career ideas what im doing in school, etc.

I had this moment of breakthrough where the word breakthrough made literal sense. I feel that i broke through another dimension and then everything clicked for me because it was this pure realization that this was the ultimate form of reality where everything felt more real. The humans in that dimension felt like the real humans.

Its odd because breakthroughs mention of this total ego loss and loss of who you are. Whats weird is that i knew who i was still. I just transported my entire consciousness into another dimension. It makes me wonder too is that; what if this dimension already exists interwoven with our dimension but can only be accessed via DMT and other ways we have not discovered yet?

So, CERN is basically making it so that they smash particles together like protons and short story they are trying to understand dark matter as one concept. It makes me wonder this is the glue to the fabric of our reality. Antimatter. It makes me wonder CERN is trying to discover dimensions as there have been stories where they are aware of such dimensions but how can i validate this? I do not know. But, it makes me wonder, what if that dmt experience was me transporting to the CERN building where they do their experiments? I do not know.

Before i could come to the breakthrough realization of my trip, before i could ask the most profound questions of my realization, before i could gather any emotional awareness and ability to force a sentence, is when perfectly my awareness of this dimension went away, and i was sucked back into this reality where you are reading it now. I had such a break through discovery like i had discovered a portal, a dimension where it's something so important that i needed to tell somebody, like the government, the secret services.

But I knew that i couldn't tell anyone because they would think i'm crazy. And to be honest with you, i'm not. All i know is that, there is things going on that are happening, and i don't know what's going on. I don't know. But all i do know is that there seems to be another dimension. Or something of; there is layers of the universe and there is communication there and i don't know if they communicate with even deeper dimension entities.

What if i teleported to another planet that has a place where they have technology to allow this to happen? You know what's crazy? I would love to enter this new dimension because it's a fucking trip.

I have this thing where i like to imagine several future outcomes with a person i like romantically. Online ill see their profile and think about what they say in theit bio, their personality type, and imagine how id look with them in the photos they posted. Ill actually spend more time in my head like 99% in my head idealizing them and thinking of all the possible outcomes with this person. Heck, i even thought about marrying them and having kids with them if things escalate that way. Id imagine us as soul partners.

And guess what? I didnt even talk to them yet. This all happens with everyone i encounter romantically. When i actually get to know them, they are completely not what i anticipated. And you know what? While i understand i shouldn't think about how a person is before meeting them, this all happens subconsciously. Heck, they'll even show up in my dreams. And then when I ultimately get rejected by them for unknown reasons to me, at minimum, I know that they don't like me anymore. Perhaps too deep, too intense, I ask questions about who they are because I greately invest my time into someone because I genuinely care.

When they reject me, I'll then think about all of the possible outcomes that could have potentially caused the rejection. With rejection, ghosting, and dating in general, you never really know. As a deeply intuitive empathetic introvert I deeply invest in the great understanding because i can use my pattern recognition and intuition to determine how to proceed further with new romantically invested people.

Is this crazy? Or is this just a major INFJ thing? I think once I see someone, truly, I in a way scare people away because it can come off as I'm analyzing them. The truth is, I deeply want to know someone, because I care. And perhaps, they aren't used to that level of depth in the modern world? Perhaps it's rare?

What do you think? I actually took a break from these apps because of the roller coaster of emotions and burnout that I strongly believe that being single is what I do best because I can invest my time, energy, and effort on something that truly matters.

I have this thing where i like to imagine several future outcomes with a person i like romantically. Online ill see their profile and think about what they say in theit bio, their personality type, and imagine how id look with them in the photos they posted. Ill actually spend more time in my head like 99% in my head idealizing them and thinking of all the possible outcomes with this person. Heck, i even thought about marrying them and having kids with them if things escalate that way. Id imagine us as soul partners.

And guess what? I didnt even talk to them yet. This all happens with everyone i encounter romantically. When i actually get to know them, they are completely not what i anticipated. And you know what? While i understand i shouldn't think about how a person is before meeting them, this all happens subconsciously. Heck, they'll even show up in my dreams. And then when I ultimately get rejected by them for unknown reasons to me, at minimum, I know that they don't like me anymore. Perhaps too deep, too intense, I ask questions about who they are because I greately invest my time into someone because I genuinely care.

When they reject me, I'll then think about all of the possible outcomes that could have potentially caused the rejection. With rejection, ghosting, and dating in general, you never really know. As a deeply intuitive empathetic introvert I deeply invest in the great understanding because i can use my pattern recognition and intuition to determine how to proceed further with new romantically invested people.

Is this crazy? Or is this just a major INFJ thing? I think once I see someone, truly, I in a way scare people away because it can come off as I'm analyzing them. The truth is, I deeply want to know someone, because I care. And perhaps, they aren't used to that level of depth in the modern world? Perhaps it's rare?

What do you think?

195lbs 25M. bodybuilder. 5'8.

I cant seem to get over the 200 pound ish weight i plateau. Does ozempic help drastically short term?

Im already on carnivore but ive been stuck at this weight for months. I want to get more lean to show more of my physique.

I am willing to go to extreme lengths even if that means ozempic because i feel my best when im skinny with the dense muscle look. I heard that people gain the weight back once they get off ozempic. Okay if thats the case then why are people taking it for weight loss off label?????

I dont know if its an eating disorder i just am tired of being fat. Im not happy. I look in the mirror i dont feel proud of my progress. I see my doctor next week. Unless theres better alternatives.

This isn't about victim mentality or pitying me. No. I just want to understand because it's so fascinating this happens. It's like the universe is telling me something. A message from the universe. I take it as a sign. Curious if anyone is going through the same?

I actually laugh at this because I find it so funny how my match rate on tinder is extremely high but when I actually like a few people they all are repelled by me. That's an exageration but they aren't into me. It's honestly so wild! What do you think that is?

25M. Canada. I feel burnt out. I worked a job in march and quit during training from burn out. I haven't applied to a new job since. I read a couple job descriptions and I get burnt out just from reading it. People are like you should apply to X Y and Z but they don't know me I feel like. I'm not lazy. I'm not a bum. I do try. It makes me wonder if I'm not trying enough. But when I try further that's when it backfires and I burn out. When I worked at the homeless shelter I actually cried in the bathroom from emotional burn out and I think my coworker could tell. I worked as a cook at a restaurant and I quit after my first shift was over which was only 6 hours.

When I go online it seems like degrees don't matter as much because apparently people are getting PhDs and masters degrees and they still can't land a job at mcdonalds. There's harvard graduates struggling to get a job. Makes me realize how much more difficult it is to get a job without a degree. I tried a major in psychology as nothing else interests me as much and I quit second year in because I wasn't happy with my decision.

While inflation is insane, nobody can afford to buy a house, cars are ridiculously expensive, and everything is so insane nowadays, I wish I had a solution. I wish I could be Obama and tell it how it is. I wish I could run as president and be the hero people need. To save the world. I wish superman would come on over and save the day. Save humanity.

I thought as society and humanity advances that it would improve logically speaking. It seems to be getting worse. I actually say this as my last post in a while that I am done with complaining online.

Because everywhere I go like youtube it's all doom. When I go on the news it's all doom. When I check gas prices it's all doom. People are like you sound depressed you should get some help, get some meds, go to a shrink and tell them your problems.

Buddy, ain't no pill gonna make this depression go away. Ain't no pill gonna alter how I feel about this sick world. I work my ass off in ways nobody sees! All they award in society is extroversion, speed, small talk, status, money, and ranks. I defy everything. People reject me for being real they can't handle it. They would rather prefer someone feeding them sweet lies everyday. Soothing their ego. Nobody wants the brutal truth.

Life is brutal. Life is hard. Life is suffering. Life is unfair. Life is unjust. Life is great to me because I at least know within myself that my sensitivity is my greatest strength. We're turning our weaknesses into strengths. That's how we mother fucking build and grow in this life you see? That's how we mother fucking thrive in this joint we call life! Period.

It feels like pixelated when i go outside its like the graphics are so obvious it feels like video game graphics

Everything feels fake and scripted

I can call things out before they happen

I dont know whats real or not anymore

I have such a hyper awareness from using shrooms that i come off as an outsider an alien a freak because everyone is stuck in the matrix and im able to see it fkr what it really is

Everything feels like a simulation

I feel like im god because i am everything i am one i am everything and so therefore i am god i dont care what you believe in

I feel everything so deeply and powerfully

I see the matrix

This feels like a video game. I feel like there is a script already at play. We have no control over anything. We think we have control but we dont. Our script is already made we just have to live it.

When people talk to me they have their script. Their dialogue directing me to my next quest. It feels so fake! Just live it i guess. I cant necessarily prove it either because im in the matrix.

But every time i do shrooms everything feels so simulated. I can literally feel the graphics. The pixelation. The energy force. Prove me wrong.

So im new to using these apps / talking to people overall. Im 25 and im trying to geg intimacy, its actually pretty hard it seems.

I actually want connection firsr before anything intimate. Some men i talk to are just horny and they tease themself with me and then move on.

There would be ideas of meeting up but it seems like a setup.

Theres this one guy i really like but when i said i would like to meet up one day he says yeah that sounds amazing and then poof, hes gone. Ghosted. Ghost town.

And so it seems like men are really horny and they just dont care so much for connection, safety, and trust i guess? I need that emotional connection first (demisexual)

I hate small talk, even if i tried it feels like sandpaper on my soul. I actually suck at talking to people because i dont do small talk. I ask deep questions and im all serious because thats who i am down to the soul. I guess people get turned off because i reflect what they havent addressed within themselves? I dont know.

Theres this one guy who put in his bio that he likes emotionally mature people and blah blah blah and i check all the boxes but hes the very one who actually went ghost on me when i wanted to meetup

Ill never know why. Its like no one wants a conversation. I need to psychoanalyze people to feel a sense of safety otherwise my nervous system will be hypervigilant. Its so crazy because i attract all the people that i dont like. But the people that i like, they dont want me. Wild. There has to be some sort of psychological paradox going on here.

Like, when did that feeling of sexual motivation to pursue this person come?

I genuinely feel like it's really hard to meet someone in person just naturally (I'm gay, so it's obviously not the norm). So I tried these online dating apps like tinder, scruff, bumble, you get the idea. I honestly hate chatting with people online because I feel like I get nowhere with it. I never felt attraction to anyone on these apps so the idea of me flirting or teasing myself felt so mundane. I actually stopped using the apps and am asexual what feels like. Probably depressed too.

Well anyways was there something that allowed you to feel something with them?

I don't know if this is a demi thing or not but there would be strangers that I would see interacting with someone else. Just in the way they laugh I would instantly feel sexual attraction. Or the way in how they are, these small ways. Could be a joke they made. Their demeanour. It's so odd. But I know when I try these apps all I get is a screen. I don't even have the energy to meet anyone. So I stopped.

I don't feel sexual energy towards anyone. Because I haven't had the energy to have a conversation with someone. I genuinely can't seem to connect with people. I must be tired down to the soul.

Like seriously what is the point? I'm 25 and I'm realizing I'm not going to be able to afford a home, not a car, can barely afford groceries, i don't rent thankfully, still live at my parents place but still have generational wealth to some degree. But the point being for me and my happiness. The pay for jobs does not match current inflation. I don't understand the mindset of working hard. Even when you have multiple jobs you still can't keep up with things from the experiences I see from others in this economy.

I genuinely feel like the society has collapsed, greed is at an all time high, and it's only going to get higher. The you will own nothing and you will be happy is the agenda for 2030. I feel guilt for buying the necessities. I feel guilt for adding gas to my vehicle. I feel guilt for just breathing sometimes.

I actually burnt out in march when I worked a job. I actually haven't worked a job in months and while I don't have that much money I'm still prioritizing my mental health over a pay check. I understand others are way more off than me. I have it good to some degree. But it still doesn't take away from the fact that we're all struggling to some degree in this economy, this society.

I went back to university to study and I dropped out again because I just couldn't understand the point of what I was doing. To have a degree that I wasn't fond of? That wasn't me. So I figured I don't have a plan. I don't know what I'm doing. And I think I'm okay with just doing the basics like exercise, therapy, walking, and occassional entertainment.

I don't actually see the point anymore. With AI making everything so much worse. I actually am considering down the road van life. I genuinely feel like this could be my way of relaxing more. I feel my best in nature, exploring the world. I feel good knowing that I'm not around people as much. People drain my soul. I haven't found anyone I tolerate enough to be around as much. My energy to myself in solitude is my best!

I plan to get away from society, live a nomad lifestyle. People will judge me, say I'm a bum, lazy, not hard working enough. And to be honest with you, as someone who sees society as it is now, do you really think I want to be part of it? It's so sick. Who gives a fuck what people think. Life is short. Fuck it. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck everyone. I'm living for me. Fuck your degrees. Fuck your subscriptions. Fuck your sponsors. Fuck the internet. I want to get away. Away from this fucked up world. People are the problem. Greed and power runs this world.

I am done.

I feel like I do everything right. I'm authentically, emotionally mature me. I bodybuild. Muscles. Clear skin. Good looking face. I know I'm good looking. I get compliments. I'm not here to brag, you get the point. I never had my first time yet because when I try these apps they want instant gratification. It's hard because I'm only into a few people. The people that I am into which is few, I just want to talk to them first, get to know them. But they're either too tired after work, they want sex to satisfy their stressors, and none don't really care to take time out of their day to get to know me. I know I'm nothing special. I just can't get that spark.

I'm still on the apps but I never had my first time because everyone is throwing their body at me and I just want to get to know someone. I literally don't feel anything sexually unless I get to know them. It's like emotional safety and trust doesn't matter.

I am still me. If I have no one and no sex I'll go celibate and on a spiritual journey through semen retention. The energy should match up.

At 25 years of age I'm just starting to allow people to come into my circle of trust. I actually just wrote about it in my journal because I never actually articulated to myself what do I do to allow people in? How do I connect? Because it got to the point where my masking part was so intense that it felt like I was living a double life. I felt like I was going to collapse on the ground, burst into flames, pop like a balloon.

I thought connection was natural. I guess when you're used to betrayal, hurt, and not trusting others as of result for it, you begin to mask naturally and you get quite good at it.

I would have these genuinely nice kind caring people wanting to hang with me and I always flake. I hated myself for it. I knew it wasn't them, it was me all along. Even romantically, beautiful people in my way, wanting my attention. But I just flake, numb, freeze, shut down.

Why it took me so long? God knows. But I wasn't having my parts trust anyone. For connection to occur you need trust. Without trust you have no connection. With more trust gained you gain more vulnerability. With more vulnerability you gain more connection. The worst part? Betrayal. But with more IFS healing, you become more resilient. Of course it still hurts.

I was shutting down inside because I never asked the fucking simplest question; "can I trust you?". I trusted no one. And that's why I couldn't connect. I knew I have the ability to connect, I just wasn't, for the mere reason of: "I'm not allowing myself to trust that I can trust other people. I never even asked if I can trust someone. But, when I ask that question, like; 'can I trust my friend (insert name here) to hangout with me?' because then it creates space between me and that person."

Just like in IFS. Once you gain trust with a part, it breeds vulnerability. With more vulnerability breeds more connection.

Why did it take me so long to realize that? Don't answer I know.

I would consider myself a smart person but some things I just take so slow to learn like the most simplest things I never ask questions about

I would say I'm open to hanging out in the moment but then when people avtually offer it I freeze and shut down. Part of that is the social exhaustion of masking and performing around others. I find when people see me in public without the plan I have a great time. It's only when people ask to hangout is when I go into overthinking. And no matter what I do to stop it, my body detects it as a threat.

I have to say I'm not available and I say why, like errands or stress. It's awful because I know I'm being an awful friend. I want to be there for people. It's just for me inside I'm battling a war between being my true authentic sensitive self and the curated form of me that is portrayed to the few people I know.

I subconsciously mask and I will gather a form of personality that I think they would like. This happens automatically due to my nervous system is in complete shock. The amount of effort it takes to even take off the mask is hard. The amount of strength, courage, and confidence to be your highly sensitive self with firm boundries is FUCKING HARD!

Is this common? I am honestly so exhausted being me, whatever that is. But I know I have to respect my nervous system. I really want to hangout with people, I really want to connect. I say I want this, I say I want that, but when I look deeper I just am not that interested. It's my mask that gets me in trouble because all they see is someone who is extroverted, funny, fun to be around. But I spent lots of energy curating that persona. When I'm home alone I'm heavily deep in thought and just out there. Out there as in I'm not even bothered with the expectation of anything.

When you're alone you don't have any expectations. Society wants me extroverted, "everything is fine and dandy!", a joker, entertainer. But inside I am someone who is introverted, highly sensitive, empathic, and needs lots of time to be alone. I can't keep up. The mask wants one thing, the inside wants another. Feels like I'm living a double life

I try to put myself out there and I made an account and set photos with a bio. I started swiping on everyone and I got matches 95% of the time. Plenty of people messaging me already. I would even get people who I'm not attracted to be obviously into me, the gender I'm not into. I can get any person I want really. I would even see these people in public sometimes because they go to these places often.

I honestly get so overwhelmed by the attention I get from people. There would be people willingly openly wanting to offer sex to me and I would freeze and shut down. There's plenty of options but I get overwhelmed by it all. I just feel like getting attention makes me feel very uncomfortable. Inside I am very nervous, anxious, and insecure about myself.

I just feel like all of these chances are passing me by. I haven't talked to anyone on these apps except for like 3 people after not knowing what else to say. I never met anyone in person yet in fear of it being too much for me to process. I just feel like I'm aware of the attention I get and it actually causes the reverse effect for me where I can't process it all, I shut down, freeze, and I lose all of my social battery. I haven't had an intimate time with anyone yet. I just feel like it's so hard to be vulnerable with someone and talk about feelings and emotions. I honestly shut down so fast when it comes to dating.

If there's too much of anything I actually do nothing at all. It applies to life in general. I freeze, shutdown, procrastinate, and get depressed.

I don't know why. I'm extremely empathic, sensitive, emotional, deep, and always taking time to process things. I get so overwhelmed when it comes to online dating because I feel like I have to figure out everyone. Always hated small talk. I actually feel like going on the verge of deleting the apps because I can't seem to relax when it comes to people. My nervous system is firing a lot.

Maybe I'm just someone with CPTSD, borderline, trust issues, social anxiety, and inability to let anyone in, covering it up with "it's just how I'm wired" and while it still can be how i'm wired for being demi, i still believe that there is a chance i could be not demi.

When i talk drugs for example it releases a lot of pressure and pain from my CPTSD so it makes me think it was just that all along.

I have so far dropped the labels. I have stopped identifying myself and i have moved towards greater acceptance of myself in knowing that i haveba traumatized nervous system that is unable and struggles to let anyone in because intimacy is the greatest form of vulnerability and if I know that i calm down when i am calm then i am okay

Why should i not trust someone? Why must i develop an emotional connection? Is it because i struggle to build an emotional connection with someone else and i need them to fill in that spot while i feel a sexual attraction?

Am i sexually attracted to them or am i really just sexually attracted to the fact that they fill in a spot of me inside that i wasn't able to fulfill on my own? Really makes me think. Questions i still hold onto to this day.

Breaking discovery for me personally.

Im curious about doing part time. I get so burnt out. I havent worked in a year. My personality type is INFJ.

I did one year psychology major. Second year i dropped out due to burn out and school not allowong me to express my creative intuitive vision.

My dream job is music. Because i work alone, i control my own hours. Idealistically, im just looking for a temporary job while i focus on my passions.

I dont live on my own i have more financial flexibility. Its just more about me feeling confident that i can have the ability to work alone most of the time because i find that toxic coworkers, managers, supervisors can consume my mood so easily.

I absorb so much information.

I worked a job child care for 12 hour shifts and I burnt out after 3 shifts of training. I tried 1 shift as a cook for a medium chain restaurant and I burnt out in 6 hours after absorbing everyones energy and auras.

Idealistically 4 hours of work. Which, isn't realistic. 6 hours would be tolerable.

I feel like I'm not lazy and I always feel guilt like I'm not doing enough. I don't know how to express it to people other than I burn out so fast and I feel guilt that I'm not working at not as financially independent. For reference I'm 25.

I'm like really lost in life and I'm tired of acting like I know what I'm doing.

I absorb peoples facial expressions, their hidden mask, their narcissistic traits, i sense aura, i sense energy shifts all the time. I tried turning it off but i explode. I actually kept it in during work before and i was crying in the bathroom. Its like what the fuck why am i this way im not built for this shit.

Lately been trying to put myself out there and I feel like I'm doing all the right things and yet I just don't get the vibe back from others.

I don't know what I'm doing that is wrong

It seems like for others socializing and making friends is so easy

I feel like I am a good person. Kind, loyal, sweet at times, hyper empathic, compassionate, intuitive, I always try to learn from people on a deep level. I hate small talk because it drains me. I try to do small talk and it feels like sandpaper on my vocal cords. It's very painful.

I keep trying though.

Like sometimes I will see on youtube about how people have lost their mind or something and they are the only one that is sane. It seems like nobody wants to hang or just have a chat. It's like they are drones or something.

I even tried speaking to extroverted people (I am INFJ, introvert but also the modt extroverted of the introverts) and I just can't seem to spark anything.

Fuck man! Like I don't know what I'm doing that is wrong? I'm pretty fucking self aware dude. Well maybe I'm not if I'm not getting anywhere. How could you not want to talk to me. It's like nobody wants deep talk or to vibe. I don't take it personal I just want to understand

I am a deep intuitive understanding person. Thats who i am.

Even when you know you're doing everything right it still feels like you don't get what you want. On the surface you're loyal, communicative, honest, empathetic, kind, caring, compassionate, & moral, and yet, you scare people off. It's like, what did I do wrong? I did all of the things right that are expected of a good type of person. I did what a human is expected to be, at least a well adjusted human. I followed the "script".

I honestly laugh because I am hyper self aware and it bites back at me.

I think I am better off being alone, isolating, in nature, just in my mind.

Oh, people. You are funny. I just laugh. You have to laugh. Laugh at how ridiculous it is. It feels like I am the only human sometimes. Everyone else is alien. Or maybe I am the alien. This is why I don't talk to people much. I feel like I am the whole package. Always working on improving me. I feel like it scares people away or something I don't know. I always try to find the deeper meaning.

I'm going for a walk.