u/Friendly-Two-6074

One night, I was chilling in my bedroom, playing the black myth of wukong, till my friend called and told me that he made some results online and he wanna celebrate. I was like okay, let's do it tonight. We went to a bar and the vibe was amazing as usual, till we got drunk and we decided to go to a club at 3 AM. Man, we had so much fun at the point we drew attention to all the girls who were there (they were prostitutes of course). My friend didn't wanna comeback home alone because there were attractive hookers in there and he proposed to me that he takes 2 (one for me and one for him). I KNOW for a fact and experience that sex workers, you don't wanna mess with them, you don't do mistakes with them, that is why i had a rule not hook up with sex workers. But that night, I got a nice one and she seems beautiful, classy and still young (23 24 yo). I didn't wanna leave him alone, so I was like okay let's go.

I think I forever will remember that night for the rest of life.

After 20 minutes sex, I didn't feel anything and I didn't enjoy it at all. I still don't understand till today why I came up with the idea of removing the condom and continue the sex unprotected. I never done it in my entire life, I have always been so cautious about condom whether I enjoy it or not. Never had sex without it till that night. AND WITH WHO?????? A F. SEX WROKER. My days.

I can't lie that I felt something I never felt before, a direct contact. So just because she seemed clean and beautiful (I know it's not an argument at all), I decided to have 2 acts with her. Once i was done, my head started rolling. Oh myyyyyyyy lord what did I doooooo???? Listen, not only I did have unprotected sex, I came inside her 2 times, WITH WHO???????? AA sex worker?????? I am already sick thinking of it. Not only I was exposed to possible infections, but also pregnancy was a real risk too...

My head started rolling, thinking and thinking, endlessly for 2 hours straight. At this point, I have no idea that PEP exists. So I was just thinking about how will I know in case I get infected. Went to chatgpt, because this is where i usually brainstorm my ideas and thoughts, till he asked me some questions like ''tell me when it happened, type of exposure, protected or not''... Right after I told him that I had 2 vaginal exposures and about 1 hour now, he immediately responded something like ''it's already considered low risk, but to reduce that risk drastically, you may consider taking PEP for 28 days to PREVENT the infection.

WAIT WHAT? IS THAT EVEN A THING?? DOES this even exist??? after 1 hour research, I understood that it is the modern regimen for emergency, along with PreP that prevents infection.

10 hours later, I know how to act. But I was scared, at the point that I delayed taking PEP because in my culture and religion, these are considered extreme, and only people that the society neglects and reject them, that goes to places like that. I was scared I come across someone I know once I step there, they will see me, I started scolding myself hard and even talking to myself out loud sometimes on the street. Literally I couldn't go to the association related to STDs/STIs. Out of fear, and just because I was at the point to accept my faith as a sort of punishment (stupid of me I know). I went back home but I couldn't sleep and decided to go in the morning.

FYI: I delayed because I was misinformed and I did not catch ''the earlier the better''. I only understood that it is taken within 72 hours, and therefore I thought i had enough time.

The day after, went directly to that place and I didn't give it a second thought. Started the regimen 32/33 hours after exposure, and took the pills consistently for 30 days, with excellent adherence without missing any doses.

After reading too much about PEP, I kind of got relieved about it for some time since I was taking the protection related to it. My anxiety only hit me so hard about other STIs/STDs and how I will deal with them when they appear, especially that I am living with my parents, I don't want them to notice anything, nor to accidently infect them. On the other hand, the risk of pregnancy ate me alive, Omgggg how am i gonna deal with it, especially that it just recently happened to my friend. What am I gonna do if she appears 2 weeks later?????

I am by nature anxious. With problems that are bigger than me??? Man, I am dead to depression and feel like just a living skeleton.

4 days later, Herpes started to appear and I my anxiety was like ''just wait for it''. I was mentally dead for 25 days, between thoughts of pregnancy, and STIs/STDs

ABOUT PEP: I am glad that I did not feel anything worth mentioning, just mild symptoms that i didn't even notice, except for dizziness where my eyes come and go sometimes. I DIDN't feel symptoms or let's say I wasn't hyper sensitive and focused on my body, because in my mind, I was worried about other stuff than the infection, and for me i was taking protection, so it eased my anxiety towards this one.

I am now 41 days post exposure, 11 days off PEP. And since my anxiety cleared suspicions from other diseases and the risk of pregnancy (i haven't heard from her till now), my anxiety came back to HIV, because it is the last one left unchecked.

I started analysing my body, and the hardest part wasn't the medication. The hardest part was my brain. Every sensation became: "Is this it? nausea, itching, hot flashes, red bumps, acid reflux, diarrhea, jaw pressure, lymph nodes, all this checked repeatedly, and each time one of it happens, I am like ''this is it''.

Where as what's really happening is little warmth, gone. lymph nodes for couple of minutes, gone. hot flashes, gone within minutes. This isn't worsening, but behind each symptom, my anxiety says this one will finally reveal the truth. All day, everyday. I am generally okay, and each symptom i feel fade away, instead of progressive worsening (no fever till now (41 days post exposure), no extreme fatigue, just side effects related to meds which tiredness is one of them).

I still haven't tested, waiting for my 6 week after exposure (2 weeks off pep) checkpoint, and I will let you know if PEP really worked out for me (well if there was infection in the first place, because i don't know her status).

After going through this experience, I realized something important: sometimes the biggest battle is not the disease we fear, but the fear itself.

Anxiety can make you become your own detective, doctor, and worst enemy at the same time. It can convince you that every sensation has a meaning. A warm face becomes fever. A runny nose becomes a sign. A scratch becomes a rash. A dream becomes night sweats. It can keep moving from one body part to another, while your mind keeps repeating the same sentence: "This is it."

The strange thing is that anxiety doesn't always create fake symptoms. Sometimes it takes normal body sensations, things that happen to everyone, and shines a spotlight on them so intensely that they become impossible to ignore.

I also learned that anxiety can steal more than peace of mind. It can steal sleep, concentration, motivation, enjoyment, and even your ability to prepare for important things in life. It can make you stop living and start waiting.

If someone reading this is in the same place I was: don't let your nervous system do the job that tests and reality are supposed to do. Fear can feel like certainty when you're living inside it.

I'll keep u updated if you are interested.

Turkish deportation stamp question. Am I flagged? Am I overthinking this?

Does PEP work? guess we'll find out!