Please let me preface that I'm hile writing this, and am typically a lurker more than a poster (and definitely never on this account) . So forgive me for anything you can blame on that. This may bee as much a venting session, as much as it is seeking advice (we're just gonna have to see where it goes while the letters on my keyboard seem 3d).
To cut to the chase, I believe I would like to be official and all that come with it. However I'm unsure how to approach this and we're both just far enough on the spectrum that if there are hints thrown neither of us are good enough with subtle cues to pick up on them.
(Some of this next paragraph is rambling and might be okay to be skipped, so I apologize, but there is some pertinent information)
For context, she and I actually dated for a little under a year at the start of Covid. I'm hesitant to say it was serious because we were in separate highschools and then I started college. We just didn't get to see each other at all and that was that. We had an amicable break up and lost contact for almost 5 years. She came back into my life back in early September last year with a text while I was bartending, and we pretty quickly stumbled into whatever this is we have going on. From the start neither of us were ready for anything serious after we both had pretty bad backups before, though we've never strictly said that beginning official won't happen. Another relevant point is that she plans on grad school on the other side of the country, and doesn't feel she can ask someone to follow her. I've let her know expressly that if we were to become official, after my grandfather's death in 2023 my roots to the area are frayed at best. Not that my best friends and immediate family members don't matter to me, but they're not him and would all be easier to keep in contact with in what I'm calling my best case scenario here, than he would have been while alive. Plus, I'm in college at the moment to teach highschool level biology (for too long because change of major several times, transfer of schools, and some life disasters in addition to gramps kicking the bucket), and am seriously considering grad school myself and coincidentally looked at the same college for options before she reached out to me. But the point is that with my degree path I'm among one of the most marketable job seekers when I finish (fully accredited biologist first with a teaching certificate on the side). So I'm likely to find work anywhere.
*recent importance*
We've had to reduce our weekly hang outs greatly since January due to my new job training me on second shift wed-sun to accommodate my school schedule until I can go to the third shift in a little over two weeks now(yay!), and her being sick time after time(frustratingly back to back for her, i claim it's because she doesn'tget to photosynthesize during winter). Before any assumptions are made, this is legitimate. The handful of times we've been able to hang out since, I end up sick after as well. She's a god-awful texter, always has been and this is a common for her with everyone, including her friends, family, and me during our previous relationship with each other, she's just genuinely not glued to her phone. There is no change in how we interact though outside of the obvious schedule issue, and a lack of sex (that's driving her crazy and I'm not necessarily upset about but do miss a little bit). I made the promise months ago, towards the beginning of this that I would tell her if I ever caught feelings, but with the scheduling situation being what it's been, I want to be back to our consistent schedule before I tell her.
It's quite clear that I find her to be stellar throug and through(or I've done a piss-poor job of conveying it entirely). I'm just at a real loss for what to do next, how to do it, and how to prepare for the worst in this instance just in case.
Thank you so much lovely redditors for reading through, any and all advice is welcome. Especially when I sober up!!
Edit: I'm also open to questions if people thing some will help!