u/Friendly_Pitch_8364

Hi, I’m 29F, FA (leaning secure). I had been seeing a guy, 31M DA. We did the vague breakup around a month ago, he made plans to see me on a Saturday, then cancelled on Saturday citing that he was overwhelmed. It didn’t end badly or dramatically. I said no problem, if you want to talk we can.

He replied 2 weeks later “hey, I’ve been meaning to talk more x I’m about to get on a flight so a call or meet will have to wait til next week”. I said I hope he’s doing well, he said thanks and that he’s island hopping in Greece to “clear his mind”.

I haven’t replied to him as I feel that there isn’t much of a point. It’s been about a week. I never look at who views my stories on IG as I generally don’t care, but something told me to check. Sure enough, there he is. Both of the friends I have told have told me it’s weird. But why now? Is it really that hard to say “I’m sorry for disappearing for weeks, I was overwhelmed, I do want to reconnect and repair”.

I can’t help but feel icked out over this all over again

Last September I (29F) met a guy(31M, DA) at a dating mixer. We hit it off, took things slowly, only going on one date per week, all seemed well. Pretty consistent from the 1st of September to the 9th of November. Towards the end, we slept together twice, but he always refused to stay over/never invited me to sleep over at his. He cancelled a date because his bicycle got stolen, then stopped replying to any of my messages.

He then reached out after 3 weeks of ignoring me, said we should meet up and talk. I said sure, offered a time and place — then he went silent, again. A few breadcrumbs here and there from December to February. He called me out of the blue and said that he thought we were incompatible. I accepted this as though it were a fact and went on with my life. On March 1st he asked to meet up, I said sure. I had started to go on dates with other people around this time, and since he said that we were incompatible, I thought it would be an explanation and an apology. We went for tea after dinner, just made small talk, but he then kept trying to kiss me. It was very confusing :/

I said I was confused, and that a conversation needs to happen. The next week, we went on a date and a somewhat conversation did happen. He said he is on SSRIs to help him cope with the stress, so I foolishly assumed he was in therapy (silly me!). He said he can’t do anything serious right now (there are extenuating circumstances), I said ok and that I would be interested in not shutting the door completely. I decided I would treat this as just getting to know him rather than expecting a, b or c as though it was a relationship. Single until further notice, so to speak. I decided I didn’t want to have sex with him or do anything sexual until I felt like I could trust this person again after how horrible the first discard felt.

We had been seeing each other once a week all of March & beginning of April, it was nice just spending time with each other without the expectation of intimacy. I really did feel like I was beginning to trust him again.

Anyways, we went on a pho date on the 11th, I offered for him to stay over at mine afterwards, he said no. I asked him to text me when he got home safe, and he did 😊 Then I asked him what he was up to the next day (on the Sunday), he didn’t text me at all that day. On Monday I decided I was just going to let it be. If he didn’t want to be normal and spend 10 seconds to reply to a text asking what he was up to, then fine. But I wasn’t going to keep investing in someone who can’t do the bare minimum. He didn’t respond to my message, instead sent a picture of his protein shake that said ‘collagen’ on it (I had yapped about how pho is packed with collagen), I just left that picture on read. Then on Wednesday he replied to a video I had sent 3 weeks prior that he had not replied to. I left that on read as well because… wtf lol. You’re scrolling to messages 3 weeks ago rather than just replying to a message from Sunday? Bizarre.

Then on Friday, he texts me and asks how I am. I said I was good, I asked how he was, then instead of answering me he just says he’s glad that I’m good. I left that message on read. Then he texts that he wants to take me out on Saturday night. I said “Sure x”. He doesn’t open the message, so I don’t change my plans for Saturday as I can tell it’s bullshit. Then the next day at 16:30 he texts and says he’s overwhelmed, that he can’t do tonight, that he’s sorry he messed me about. I said ok, I hope he feels better, if he needs support I’m there for him. He texts that he’s sorry and he can’t give me what I want et cetera. I texted him:

“Why did you ask to see me last week; was it just to see if I would say yes? I don't mean this in a snarky way x”

He replied “No it wasn't I don't play games.”

I texted him that I don’t think he had bad intentions, that I would like to talk about it but I’m cool with not talking about it. That was last Tuesday (21st). That message has been left on seen.

It’s pretty obvious that he was just asking me out on a date to see if I would say yes after I pulled back a bit. He’ll probably reach back out in 4 weeks time (or less) but honestly what’s the point. Anyways, has anyone else felt totally over a DA’s weird behaviour? It’s hilarious that they will try to play a game and then get defensive when you call them out on it. I don’t even know if I would classify this as a breakup as we were only getting to know each other