Tl;dr: I texted after the date that I like her and already consider us together. She said we should get to know each other better first. I understand that one of us could lose interest tomorrow or next week. But I’ve made my mind up that I like her, now. What’s the difference between discovering incompatibility next week or three years from now?
My first date ever. It took me a minute to open up. I was sleep deprived but determined to make this work. I was broke and ate beforehand. She offered to order me something. We only drank and talked. I told her I didn’t care about eating. I only came to see her. I was almost illiterate for the first ten or so minutes because I was tired and have this thing sometimes where I can’t really accept that reality is real. I couldn’t believe I was on a date. But I realized that I may come off as rude or uninterested if I kept it up so I put in more effort. I even told her so she wouldn’t be put off. She helped me along and asked some questions. She asked about my history and the topic seemed so boring for me. I didn’t care about anything except being around her. It wasn’t hard to flow once she started talking about herself. I’m better at being curious than interesting. We shared a bunch of laughs. I’m going to have to work on opening up, more.
After we left the restaurant, we walked and talked in the sprinkling rain for a bit. It was night and I was immediately protective. We eventually returned to the front of the restaurant and talked more. She hugged me maybe five times in a ten minute span (we both have adhd and I haven’t really been hugged in years). She was putting her hands on my head to protect me from the rain. She was yapping and standing very close. It confused me because I didn’t think women usually did that on first dates. I didn’t think I was doing such a good job on the date, either. I had the feeling she wanted to kiss me so I asked and she leaned in. She didn’t even hesitate and it seemed like it was all apart of the flow of things for her because she was as goofy and friendly after as she was before, but for me I got serious from the hugs and kisses. It felt like confirmation.
I never let people touch me. I reserve that for people I trust. I don’t even let coworkers or managers touch my shoulder casually (it’s happened a suspiciously high amount of times). I
Over the weeks while thinking of asking her out I was losing interest in anyone that wasn’t her. After the date, my brain feels completely numb to other women, despite how physically attractive I think they are. I’ve been unfollowing certain TikTok and Reddit accounts because they seem like very loud background noise, now.
She barely texts outside of making plans and acknowledged that before we went our separate ways. She wanted to assure me she was still interested. She looked down when telling me. I wanted to hug her, then, too.
I just wonder if I’ll be too much for her. I don’t feel like my passion is too strong, but maybe I shouldn’t open the valve all at once, for her comfort. I feel crazy for being so intense. I don’t think it’s a new crush thing. I’ve had friends who I texted every other day even after knowing them for years. I don’t usually like people. I don’t ever go on dates. So this is something. I’m not trying to move in with her or anything, but my feelings have levers, not knobs. I know how I feel about her, now. And maybe I’m getting to caught up in the semantics and we’re both on the same page.
Clearly there’s much for me and her to talk about, but considering she seems off the grid and will be busy for the next two weeks I thought I’d ask people with experience.