I'm a deadbeat Dad
Hi, I just wanted to put this here because i really don't have anyone to talk to about it and I just wanna get it off my chest/ maybe try to convince myself I'm not a terrible person, but I'll try to keep it short.
So at the time me (20M) was with my partner (20F) for almost 2 years, I had just got a good enough job to afford our own place and things were looking up for the most part, definitely better than the situation we were in before. After a while she talked to me about getting off her birth control and possibly trying for a baby and I agreed. I proposed to her and we started trying and before long it happened, I was super excited as I've always dreamed of being a dad and was doing my best to prepare our lives for the baby. About 2 months into her being pregnant she starts getting a little distant with me and I figure she's just hormonal and just try to let it pass, but this goes on for almost 2 weeks so one day I try to talk to her about it and she looks at me and says "I can't do this anymore" I try to ask her what I've done wrong or what I can do to fix this but she wasn't interested in talking after that, so I packed my things to go stay at my mom's for a while hoping she would come around or at least explain why she was doing this. About another week goes by and she calls me home to talk. I walk in and sit down and she tells me she's moving to Virginia (about 1000 miles away) to stay with her family and that she will update me on what is happening with the baby.
It's been about 2 years since she left and my son is almost a year and a half old, we've been in contact maybe once or twice since then but it usually just turned into an argument and her blocking me. I haven't really heard from her since, I've seen pictures of my son on her socials and stuff she even has a new boyfriend who she got engaged to after 6 months of being together. He's a nurse and apparently has a lot of family money and it looks like he's taking good care of them and she's happy so honestly I just kinda gave up. I can't give my son more than they can and it just seems selfish to step between that just so I can have a connection with my son, who realistically doesn't even need to know I exist. I think about him every single day and it rips me apart that I've never even met him it's practically all I think about anymore but I thinks it's better for me to just stay away.
I just wanted to get this off my chest because it's been eating me alive the past 2 years and honestly with how abrupt it was has made it almost completely impossible to date/ make friends as I can't really get attached to people anymore.