I made a mistake marrying my husband.
I made a mistake marrying my husband.
For context we got married VERY young and VERY quick. He proposed my senior year of highschool after dating for only a few months and we got married less than a year later.
We stared dating when I was 16 almost 17 and we got married almost immediately after I turned 18. We’re now in our early 20s.
I’d like to start my saying there isn’t anything he’s doing that is major red flags. He pays most of the bills, he’s faithful, and he’s for the most part respectful. He dosent raise his voice often and would never intentionally hurt me.
That being said, I can’t fucking stand him. I feel like I’m married to a brick wall that occasionally feels me up. Every little thing he does irritates me to my core. If he talks to loud, breathes the wrong way, eats to fast I’m irritated. All he does is play the game, eat, work, sleep.
I have to ask for almost everything. No dates, no flowers, nothing of the sort. I don’t think he even knows my grandmas name. He’s not a bad guy just he puts in minimal effort and expects that to be enough for a lifetime.
In the last year or so I have noticed a lot of things that I dislike about him and myself. I can’t stand his weaponized incompetence and his just sheer laziness. We will have a serious discussion about how he dosent help enough with chores and animals and he tries to be better for like 2 months then suddenly I’m back to being the house maid. If I ask him to clean he’ll half ass it and act confused when I point out the obvious mess that’s still there.
I would like to preface that this if we’re being honest falls almost entirely on me. I have always had a feeling that this wasn’t going to last forever but, I’m a people pleaser and he was very persistent, like years of persistence.
I turned him down for probably 2-3 years before we started dating because he wasn’t my type nor did we share a single (I’m not being dramatic here) hobby or interest. Like I said I was a people pleaser and i eventually gave in. How i let it go this far with as many doubts I have and had is beyond me.
Our intimate life has also been not great since the beginning. We don’t do it often and when we do it feels like a waste of my time because I have only gotten there a handful of times. He’s not “greedy” or anything I just don’t ever cross the finish line.
I feel like the last 4 years I have been on autopilot, and only just woke up this past year. I don’t feel attractive anymore and I never get dressed up (and actually leave the house anymore). I don’t go out, I don’t participate in any of my hobbies or interests, and I am just feeling like I’m unsure of who I even am anymore. We move alot for his career so I also don’t have any friends. On the rare occasion that I have made a friend we don’t stick around long enough to make it a lasting friendship.
I don’t think I make enough to separate and financially support myself and our animals, thankfully we don’t have kids. I also am no contact with my parents and there’s nobody I could really turn to for help. I don’t even have anyone I can say this stuff out loud to, even just typing this out and rereading it feels like a weight has been pulled off my chest.
EDIT : hey so get this guys! If I could afford to leave I would!!! I don’t want him to be married to someone who dosent want to be married to him. He deserves someone who can meet him where he’s at. The second I’m in a financial position to step away I plan to. I love him dearly and want nothing but the best for him, I’m just not in love with him and can’t stand him in a romantic/ life partner capacity anymore. I understand that I’m in the wrong here but it’s easier to say “just leave” than it is to do so.
EDIT : To answer some questions. Yes I’ve talked to him about how a feel many times. I work full time, cook, clean, and take care of all our animals. I’m asking for the bare minimum here, if you think I’m being to demeaning please look inward. I’m asking him to fold a pair of socks without me having to beg and for him not to make it seem like a favor. I’m asking him to turn the computer off every now and then, I’m asking for a kiss here and there and some fucking flowers that I don’t have to ask for. Obviously I’m not happy role playing a grown man’s mommy while working the same if not more hours than him!