First of all, Thank you for all the support. I didn’t expect so many responses, you guys are awesome. Also, i accidentally put AITA in the title but it’s an “Am I Overreacting” sorry about that. Now let’s get to the update.
So, a lot has happened. Let’s start from the first phone call with BFF (let’s call him B this time). I attached a picture of the note that I wrote out to follow my talking points about Matt. Here’s how he responded:
B: I never thought about what happened in that way.. when you put it like that it definitely seems like it was not an accident
Me: I’m glad you finally realize it. Took you long enough.
B: I am so sorry.. I’ve been an absolutely terrible friend to you..
Me: yeah, you have.
B: I just was hoping this would resolve itself.. I shouldn’t have just ignored it..
Me: do you know how fucking shitty that was ? I went through something traumatic and I couldn’t even call my best friend. Jesus, B, it’s like you’re okay with assault.
B: that’s not true..
Me: here’s the deal. I will THINK about coming to your wedding but only if you uninvite Matt. I won’t go if he’s there. I will not share a suite with the man who assaulted me and it’s fucked for you to ask me to do that.
B: I understand..
Me: you think on it. Do what you want, but that’s where I stand.
B: I want you there, OP.. I’d do anything to have you there
We were both crying the entire time. We decided that we’re taking a step back from our friendship and we’ll work on rebuilding trust.
I actually felt good about it. This man has been my best friend for years. We became close when we were grieving the loss of our friend who passed in a motorcycle accident and have been inseparable since. He’s an amazing thoughtful person. Losing our friendship feels like I would lose a piece of myself.
But, then he talked to his fiancé, let’s call her C.
I get a text from him when I’m getting ready for work asking me if I can call him before I go in. I get a sinking feeling but I call him. And here’s how that went:
B: So C and I talked over everything the past couple of days and we decided we’re choosing the wedding and we don’t want to change anything about it.
Me: okay. (At this point, I know where this is going and I’m done)
B: I don’t think it’s fair to give us an ultimatum
Me: you’re right (he’s not)
B: we put a lot into this wedding. We dont want to change anything. We’re not choosing a side, we’re choosing the wedding.
Me: so you’re choosing to not have your best man there?
B: no we’re choosing the wedding
Me: okay, then I won’t be there
B: is there anything we can do for you to still come?
Me: if he’s going, I’m not going. So, no.
B: okay.. I understand
Me: so you’re choosing his side (I just wanted to hear him say it)
B: no we’re choosing the wedding.
Me: got it. You’re choosing your wedding over your morals. Noted. Well, have fun with your picture perfect wedding B.
B: OP.. I don’t want to lose you as a friend. I hope this isn’t friendship ending..
Me: Right. I have to go to work.
And then I hung up and proceeded to bawl my eyes out. I screamed and threw stuff. I sat and stared off into the void. I half ass got ready for work and tried to compose myself.
But, I just don’t understand. I don’t understand how these people decide to have an assaulter next to them at the altar. How do you decide to have someone like that in your life? How do you decide that it’s not a big deal? I’ll never comprehend this mindset.
Well, this marks the end of my friendship with him. I feel broken. I mean, he was my Man of Honor. Almost all of my wedding pictures have him in it. They’re ruined. I don’t want someone like that in the pictures of the happiest day of my life. But at least I won’t have an assaulter next to me in those pictures like they will.
Sorry, I was rambling. This just hurts.
Also, we still don’t know if Matt told his wife. My husband found her instagram and sent her a message with everything that happened that night. But, she hasn’t posted in a couple years so we don’t know if she uses it and we have no other way to contact her.
Well, that’s where we’re at. If anything else happens, I’ll let you all know. Thank you for letting me rant and complain.