I am 30 years old unmarried and overweight.. feel like suicidal
Hi everyone.
I don’t really know why I’m writing this, maybe because I just need to let it out somewhere.
Whenever I’m away from home, I feel okay. I feel calm, normal, functional. But the moment I enter this house again, something inside me starts breaking little by little.
I came home yesterday. I had actually planned a small surprise for my mother, just something sweet and simple. But within minutes, things turned ugly. Suddenly it became about my weight, my looks, my marriage, my existence.
“Weight badh raha hai.”
“Bhains hoti ja rahi hai.”
“Shaadi nahi hogi.”
“Mar ja.”
“Zeher kha le.”
These words are said so casually, as if they mean nothing. But they stay. They sit inside your chest long after the moment is over.
And honestly, I don’t even know what hurts more anymore — the words themselves, or the fact that they come from people you love.
I’m 30. I weigh 84 kilos. I have health issues. I left my job because my health was getting affected. I came back home thinking maybe I needed rest, support, comfort. Instead, within 24 hours, I’ve cried so much that my chest physically hurts.
Sometimes I genuinely start questioning myself:
Is there something deeply wrong with me?
Am I really such a disappointment?
Or have I just heard these things for so long that I’ve started believing them?
The worst part is that outside this house, I don’t feel this way. Outside, I can breathe. I can think. I can exist without constantly feeling judged for my body, my age, my life.
I know many people have it worse. I know families say things “out of concern.” But some words stop feeling like concern after a point. They start feeling like wounds.
I just wanted to say this somewhere because carrying it alone is becoming very heavy.
Maan krta hai Krlu suicide