feel free to not read ik it’s long, im just looking for advice and people with similar situations
im genuinely terrified of my dad. i try to soft launch when i talk to him to see if hes tired or cranky because im scared when hes angry. i used to hit me a lot and like kick me amd stuff and i suppose its gotten better but he just threw an alarm clock at me. i was watching TV with my mom and he just kept on talking to me like asking me the most random questions ever like “what did you eat for dinner?” and then a pause later “what did your brother eat for dinner?” and stuff like that. and i was getting a little frustrated because i was watching TV so #1 i couldn’t really hear him that well and #2 im watching Tv. so im a little distracted.
and so he kept repeating his questions and i answered him politely (or what i thought was polite). and he kept talking to me saying something abt how i put the pickles too close to the back of the fridge (i wasn’t even the ones who put the pickles there in the first place) and telling me to get up. at first i didn’t hear exactly what he said, i thought he was talking about the ham, so i got up, moved stuff around to get the ham away from the back of the fridge and i got up. but then he just looked at me and said something about pickles so i moved the pickles.
and then after that i went to the bathroom (without saying anything) and sat down to pee. but then i heard my parents arguing from outside and my dad calling me slow to my mom and saying “how is she gonna survive in the world” and how i get angry too easily (because by the time i got up to go to the fridge i was annoyed) and so because i heard the arguing i didn’t want to come out so i stayed.
but remember, i was watching TV with my mom and i didn’t say anything and so my mom got kinda mad but not that much and my dad just got even angrier. and i just kept staying in the bathroom because i didn’t want to go out, i didn’t know what would happen. but then my dad started banging on the door and telling me to come out and so i did. and then he got really mad and started questioning (yelling) why i didn’t let my mom know i had to poop. and then because i was already scared my voice was kinda quiet so he just got even madder and threw an alarm clock at me.
but we talked it out this morning and yet he kinda just pointed out what i did wrong (and like ig it was reasonable) and why he was so angry. he never once apologized for throwing a clock at me or ask me if i was okay. this never happens. but i still can’t hate him and i don’t know why.