I bailed my manometry. Most traumatic hospital experience of my life 😭
Today was test day in preparation for my botox.
First I had an upper endoscopy under general anesthesia and after waking up I was taken to do the manometry (which was a total surprise because they never told me it would be today).
The doctor doing the manometry was lovely and very patient with me, but the procedure was hell on earth. We tried twice (without any numbing) and she could never get the line past a certain point because I kept gagging or explosive vomiting. It felt like painful drowning and choking all at once. And very violating at the same time. After the removal I started crying and couldn't stop shaking.
Then a second doctor came into the room and offered to try to get the line in herself, but I refused. I couldn't take it anymore. Then they offered to put me under for the insertion but I also refused because I knew I'd have to wake up with that horrible thick line inside me making me gag and choke. I told them I'm sorry but I can't. I thought I'd rather live without burping than having to go through that one more time.
Later I spoke to my ENT and she said that without the manometry she won't do the botox 😢😢😢
I feel disappointed in myself. I'm usually very brave when it comes to hospitals. I don't mind pain so much. But the feeling of the manometry was something beyond pain. It doesn't help that as a child I choked and almost died and have some trauma from that.
I will contact another hospital and ask if they would do it without the manometry.
Anyway, I just wanted to vent here.