Am I a lesbian?
Warning for non explicit sexual topics
Quick context: I'm nonbinary and I've identified as a repulsed aroace my whole life, romance and sex are just too gross to me. But a bit over a year ago I started a QPR with a woman (unlabeled, but they like being feminine + using feminine terms) who I love very deeply
After dating I started developing a lot of new strong feelings for them, including sexual attraction (though it's still not something I NEED, just something I'm more positive about) and I've been getting more confident to explore my identity and heal from my brainwashing (I'm a cult survivor but that's not that important rn)
And I've realized I feel very strongly about women, and I've been my whole life. I'm very attracted to them aesthetically and I've gotten a few "crushes" (I'm not sure that's what they are) on fictional women. I've also been fantasizing more about them and hypothetical scenarios with them, in a way I wouldn't with men (I'm still very grossed out by that). But I still feel very grossed out by the idea of actually being with a woman who isn't my partner irl, it makes me feel a bit nauseous. And I feel uncomfortable with women flirting with me, but I'm not sure if that's just cause I'm very loyal to my partner
But also, if my partner transitioned into a man I wouldn't mind, I'd still love him a lot and be equally attracted to him in a way I wouldn't with any other men, including sexually, but my partner is an exception for a lot of things so I don't know if that counts
And it doesn't help that literally EVERYONE thinks I'm a lesbian unless I insist I'm not. Including my parents, uni classmates, friends and even my partner. My partner keeps referring to us as a lesbian couple and I don't really mind tbh
TLDR; I'm aroace, I think women are fucking awesome and guys are just meh, but I would still love my partner the same if he was a guy