I hate my mum
My mum never treated me like other mums treat their first child. My mum used to plunge my head into water whenever I used to cry. Growing up I became really health conscious and was a very picky eater, my mum used to yell at me for not eating the junk she used to cook, while that's understandable, my mum still to this day beats me and grabs me by my hair and jerks me and pounds me with a stick or anything she can get a hold of. There isn't a single curse word in the dictionary she hasn't used to yell at me. I hate her, while I do respect her, I hate her the most in the world. I hate even the presence of her, I want her to live a long and healthy life, but I don't want her to be with me. I have never felt the motherly warmth most child get during and often after childhood.
I hate you mum, you ki11ed a child, I never had a memorable moment with you as a child except for once when you surprised me with a laptop for which you always remind me to be grateful of, and the handful of good moments that I do have are the ones in which you are not there. I had to grow up mentally just to tolerate your hysterics. You never gave me reason to smile as a child and you call me stone faced now. Some of the things you have said to me are so terrible I cant even say it here. I wanted to ki11 mys£lf in high school, but being the coward I have been I suppressed those feelings or should I say couldn't bring myself to do it. You have always told me that I am the worst child anyone could have, while I may not have been the best child I always did whatever I could to prove you wrong, but I couldn't. I am not a machine or a cash cow you think of me to be. You never let me learn the things I wanted to learn, for instance learning to play guitar, or taekwondo, and now you call me loser because I have no talent and didn't bring home medals like some of your friend's children.
I am thankful for you for raising me but you are the worst, self victimizing and the most toxic mother any child could have. You ruined my childhood and coming to adulthood you still feel entitled to the money I earn because you have fed me for these many years. Give me a break dammit!
I hate your voice, I hate being around you, I loath your sobs and the beatings and words you have said to me, here's a big FUCK YOU you deserve. Giving birth is not owing a life, it's just becoming responsible of a life you brought into this world, either don't take it if you can't, or do it properly if you want.
I am crying my eyes out as I am writing this, but for as much I hate you, I have always loved you but this love is only a feeling of reverence for bringing me to this world full of amazing people.