I (20f) have been disconnected from my relationship with my bf (21m) due to a rough patch and broken trust, do I try to fix it or not?
Hello, this is my first time posting on here, I’m sorry for the long post and if I format it weirdly.
Context: me and my bf have been dating for a year and a half, and there has been numerous situations where he has broken my trust regarding past partners/sexual encounters that he is still in contact with. First time was near the beginning of our relationship. He would mention someone he would hook up with that went to a different school than us, I never would mind, because people have pasts , but he never told me a name or anything. Eventually after a few months I figured out who it was with context clues and realized it was a girl he was still in contact with, I’ll call her A, who I knew he was friends with but he never told me they had a sexual history. I was a little upset he never disclosed this and went as far as to hide the truth of their past but he apologized and promised it wouldn’t happen again.
A few months later we were hanging out and I was watching him scroll on instagram. At one point, I saw his DMs and noticed at the top was a girl who I didn’t know with a suggestive pfp. I was a little concerned but I asked him and he didn’t answer immediately, kinda dodging the question before admitting it was a girl he used to hook up with. I was a little upset that this was the second time this happened and that he only told me after I asked him who she was. He reassured me that they don’t talk much anymore and that he would unfollow her and A while he was at it. This made me feel better and I thought the issue was over.
Fast forward to the beginning of this year.
I, like a lot of girls, have a fairly good intuition. One night, I randomly dreamt that my bf was talking to A again, even though he had been unfollowing her for 4 months at this time. I tried to shake it and blame it to paranoia but couldn’t ignore it. Eventually after a few weeks, I tell him my concerns and he reassured me that nothing was going on and offered for me to look in his phone, I take it and scroll through his DMs and sure enough, I see A. He freaks out and starts apologizing saying that he didn’t remember texting her and that they don’t even talk. I start scrolling and realize he had started sending her reels almost as soon as he unfollowed her. I was furious and almost broke up with him. After a lot of talking, we decided to stay together.
Now to the last situation:
During the whole relationship, I had known my bf had a female friend named J. He told me that they were online friends for years and even online dated for a few months but said he didn’t even count it as a relationship since they never did anything and obviously never met in person. I didn’t mind as I assumed it was just a silly discord relationship from high school. I had become friends with J through this and had gotten fairly close to her. I had never really had any suspicions or concerns about her and my bf.
That was until two months ago, I had a weird sense of intuition again. I suddenly wondered if him and J had shared any sexual or intimate photos/videos together. I shook it off bc he told me they never did anything but couldn’t ignore it. I asked him about it a few days later and he told me that they did. Of course I am upset that I wasn’t told by him or J and we get into a fight the next day. This fight drags for days and we almost break up because I’m upset this has happened three times. We eventually work it out and now we’re here.
Problem: during the fight, bf tells me he won’t stop talking to J and I can’t make him, and it bothers me. I told him that and he doesn’t care and made that clear. But ever since that fight, I’ve been slowly becoming detached emotionally and feeling disconnected from him and our relationship. I don’t know if I can recover from all these situations and be fine with the fact that he’s gonna still talk to J even though he knows how upset it makes me.
Should I talk to him and try to reconnect and fix the emotional gap or should I start to accept that things might be too far gone? This is my first relationship and I’m so lost. I love him but am really, really tired.
TL;DR
I am disconnected and detached from my bf and relationship due to repeated broken trust around the same topic and repeated attempts to resolve the issue. Not sure if I should try to reconnect or call it quits.