u/FudgeAltruistic8924

Hey guys. Longtime lurker here, I’ve been reading posts on this sub since 2022 but this is my I guess fourth time posting.Anyways I really need some validation(again) because the mind games in my house are making me feel like I’m losing it.

I’m in my 20s. A while ago I came home from a short military stint (11B infantry). My body hit an absolute physical wall during training and I got chaptered out. I spent the last 10 months just trying to rest, recover, and process everything.

Of course, my covert narc parents used that entire transition time to tear me down. Constant lectures about how I’m "behind in life," how I "lack basic things" in my character, and just making me feel like an absolute failure. Whenever they start interrogating me, my psyche goes completely blank. It's an automatic freeze response and it sucks.

But a few days ago, I finally took a massive step for my future. I decided to enroll in a fall EMT program at a local college. Today, I officially booked my 10-panel drug screening for Tuesday.

The second I took that real step toward independence, the entire house shifted into a toxic emergency.

My dad is suddenly skipping his usual workdays just to stay home, hover over me, and stalk my movements. He literally dug up my private military discharge papers and started reading them out loud in the living room. He's cherry-picking lines about me "failing to adapt" just to sh*t on me. He looked right at me and said I am "cooked" and that I will "carry this guilt for the rest of my life."

Now they are tag-teaming me. My mom is playing the ultimate crying victim, and my dad is giving passionate speeches about how I should just go back to the military. My mom is even posting in Facebook groups asking strangers how she can "convince" me to give up on my civilian plans.

They are even pulling my younger sister into the mix to weaponize triangulation against me. They had my sister run to me to repeat awful things, creating this massive, fake high-drama crisis to completely scramble my brain over the weekend.

They are also heavily using the fact that I don't have a car right now. They told me that nobody in my college program will like me, and that people will only ever give me a ride out of "pity" because I don't "talk like an adult."

Psyche-wise, this is absolutely destroying me right now. Living in this constant emotional pressure cooker is giving me terrifying fight-or-flight nightmares about trying to escape dangerous people. Every time they corner me, my brain completely shorts out, and I feel so drained and panicked that I can barely think straight.

They are throwing every piece of manipulation at the wall—guilt trips, triangulation, shifting the goalposts, and straight-up emotional ambush—just to ruin my confidence before my appointment on Tuesday. They are terrified of me getting this civilian certification and leaving.

Has anyone else had their narcs literally change their work schedules or skip work just to monitor you and block your exit when you finally start winning? How do you keep your brain from freezing when the sabotage gets this intense?

I got back home late last July after a short stint in the military. Since deciding not to go back, I’ve been trying to figure out my next move.

I finally chose a career plan: I am enrolling in an EMT-Basic course this Fall and plan to start the Fire Academy next Spring (January/February).

Here is the problem: I cannot tell my mom this. She will instantly try to talk me out of it, criticize it, and force me into a career I hate just so she can maintain control.

Today, my younger sister warned me that our mom is threatening to kick me out of the house if I don't get a job or career immediately. I am panicking because I only have $7,039 left in savings. I need this money to pay for my EMT course, gear, and fees so I can actually launch my life.

If I tell her my plan, she will try to destroy it. If I don't tell her, she might try to kick me out.

How do I put her on a strict information diet and "fake" a job search to buy myself time until Fall? Has anyone successfully hidden their first responder training from a toxic parent?