u/Fuel5463

Last night I got drunk and randomly hooked up with a girl and I was ecstatic but after doing the act I feel nothing but regret and shame. We did it in the pouring rain under a tree, I got drenched for 1 minute of joy which I didn’t even enjoy that much. I feel so shitty especially because I abandoned my friends for this. And also I only now realize how I don’t like this girl in any way(not to be mean but I do nt think she’s attractive and she just Randomly started saying racial slurs afterwords when I was trying to get her a taxi. No relapse has ever had this effect on me I honestly don’t know what to do

Tomorrow might be the night and I’m petrified I won’t get hard I have had a bad pack recently and relapsed today aswell. I don’t get as hard as I used to and it takes longer with porn. Will the first time excitement save me. I’m so afraid that if I fail the story will spread as that happens to another dude near me

I got a new phone and despite my best efforts I can’t seem to remove safe search. I’m so happy I nearly relapsed but the thought of me trying to remove safe search for an hour just for one gap felt so sad.

Nearly fell for my usual triggers in my routine but caught myself before disaster, day 2 here I come(perhaps poor choice of words)

I have been stuck in a bad loop but today I’m making a change. I just stopped myself and am feeling pumped. I will see tomorrows light.

Like I have come to the stage where I’m just living with it not even trying to break the habit. I used to be really motivated but now just put out. And I think this is having a tole on my mental health. Like for most the day I’m fine I’m happy but when I do it its just sadness for like 20 mins and then back to myself. Like now I relapsed I’m a bit sad but I know when I clean up and get something to eat I’ll be right back to myself, and this scares me i don’t want to live like this but a part of me just doesn’t want to change.

As the title says. I saw this pic a bit ago and was discussed, despite this it’s been on my mind all week and today I looked it up and relapsed. I am fucking ashamed and disappointed in myself for not only looking at it but also relapsing as I had known about the topic for a while but thought it was just wierd. Anyway I needed to vent this, peace (also ps it was not anything illegal just something I told myself I’d never watch)