Feeling selfish for manifesting SP
Background: SP and I have been separated in 3D since September when he broke up with me for bad behavior and toll my instability had on his life.
We have seen each other consistently and have even been intimate a few times. I’ve changed so much and kept pouring into myself as well as into him when I had the chance. All of the love was still there but I know he has felt the weight of relationship being over and feeling much more stable in life. I have been feeling like a completely different person and have felt so much more in control of my emotions since finding conscious manifestation my relationships with everyone have gotten so much better as well.
This weekend I saw sp drive by me we haven’t spoken in two weeks but that didn’t matter. That night I went out and ran into my ex which is also sps bestfriend. I was extremely drunk and made out w my ex and was just a messy drunk with him. I am so disappointed in myself and genuinely don’t know what wound triggered my horrible behavior. I know circumstances don’t matter but I am so mad at myself for deciding on this one. As well as for hurting sp I know I’ve changed and I know what we have I messed up so badly and I feel like a terrible human being for doing something so detrimental to him. He has never hurt me in any way and even in separation I have in the worst way. I don’t know if sp knows yet and I want to be honest with him. My ex hasn’t spoken to me either but i know his loyalty lies w sp. I am between a rock and a hard place feeling as if I don’t know if there is any redeeming the pain I’ve inflicted even in the 4D I don’t know how to trust myself after this.