Coming to terms with being OAD… but still grieving it
Husband (41) and me (36). We have one amazing 3-year-old.
I always pictured having more than one child, and I’ve brought it up before over the years. My husband has been clear that he wants to be one-and-done, and we’ve worked through this a lot in therapy. We’ve agreed to prioritize our marriage, and most of the time I truly feel okay with that choice—and I’ve made a lot of progress.
But I still get hit with waves of sadness. Pregnancy announcements from friends or even acquaintances can trigger that “what if” feeling. It’s not constant, but it sneaks up on me.
Lately, it’s felt more final. I’ve developed an autoimmune condition and now need medication that isn’t safe for pregnancy. Even if we did revisit the conversation, it would involve a lot of planning and risk. It just makes everything feel more… closed.
I think part of me held onto a tiny bit of hope that maybe things would change someday. And now it feels like that door is actually shutting.
I know this might sound silly since I’ve already been working toward accepting being OAD, but the sense of finality has been hitting me harder than I expected. I love our family. I just didn’t expect the grief to linger like this.
Has anyone else gone through something similar - especially when circumstances made the decision feel more permanent? How did you process that shift?