[M20] Totally lost between my safe ex (F19) and a toxic/intense relation (F19). Mentally exhausted, need advice.
Hey everyone,
I’m making this post because I’m completely lost right now. I can’t sleep, I have constant anxiety, and I feel like I’m hurting everyone around me and destroying my own mental health. I really need some honest, outside opinions.
Sorry if my English is a bit basic, Im not native. Here is the situation (I’m 20, male):
Girl A (20) : The safe choice: She is my ex. Our relationship is super healthy, she loves me deeply, and she is ready to forgive my past mistakes to rebuild our couple. The main issue: she is leaving for 3 weeks very soon, and then she is moving away permanently in July for her studies.
Girl B (19) : The intense/chaotic choice: I left A for her a few weeks ago. Between B and me, it’s visceral, the physical attraction and chemistry are insane. But the dynamic is toxic. She takes 15 hours to reply, plays mind games... When she is away, I become super paranoid and jealous (to the point where I track her GPS location that she purposely sent me with the app).
The problem right now:
Three days ago, I was so exhausted by the anxiety B was causing me that I broke up with her by text and went back to A. A welcomed me back with open arms. But since yesterday, I’m having a massive backlash. I miss B so much, she is reposting sad/targeted TikToks about me, and I’m totally obsessed with her again. The other night, while I was kissing A in her car, I literally pulled out my phone secretly to check B’s location on the map... I feel like a horrible monster and an impostor with A.
I know my main problem is a big emotional dependency: I hate being alone. When A is away, I feel lonely and sad, so I look for attention elsewhere. And when I don't have B's crazy intensity, my brain goes into withdrawals.
Don’t know if it’s the place to ask this but do you guys have any advice ? What should I do is my thing with B just an addiction or is there really something to try ? Or should I leave both of them ?