I feel like theres no hope for people like me
After online school started due to covid, my parents never took me out the system until 9th grade. I was in online school from 4th-8th grade.
During this time, I was given no opportunities to actually socialize and make friends. My parents make excuses to not sign me up for activities, and my online school had events but I rarely got to go. I also did not, and I still dont have a phone so that didnt help either.
During that time I became really depressed. I lost all of the "friends" I had in real life, and I struggled to socialize even on the internet. Socializing is something I always struggled with, even before online school.
Today I was watching a video that talked about the childhood of a singer who ended up murdering a young girl (if you know, you know) and I realised that my childhood was very similar to his. This is not the first time I've heard about people with similar childhoods to mines turning out to be awful people. It just made me wonder, is there any hope for people like me? Is there really hope for people who struggle to socialize, and struggle to understand the world around them?
I know I'm no where near as bad as the person I mentioned in my example, but I often unintentionally annoy the people around me and thats why a lot of people I meet dont like me. I feel like I can never truly be myself and have fun, socializing gives me so much anxiety, even when it comes to little things. Will I ever be able to function in society? Will I ever be truly happy again?
Im 15 right now and I feel so lost, even though I've been out of online school I'm still not the same person I used to be. I just had to vent about it here because theres not many people who understand and I dont have acess to therapy.