Lie or paranoia M27 F33
This is not a post calling for judgements or non constructive criticism.
M27 in a relationship (RS).
Woman is couple years older.
1,5 year of RS in which the gf has been dumped 4 times and begged back each time.
The guy believes being a narcissist using DARVO. She perceives it - she has saviour syndrome’s traits.
Early in the RS, the guy told his gf ‘texting to someone behind your partner’s back is cheating to me. And if one does it, the other one - obviously - does it.’
The gf agreed to disagree and didn’t took it as a red flag.
He shared that his ex gf has cheated on him, that he dumped her for that, and that she didn’t want to leave his house. He had to call the girl’s parents so they come and pick her up. The girl’s father was furious and has strictly forbade the guy to ever contact his daughter again. They went no contact, and the guy says he has no interest in contacting that ex. And admitted he would only do it, if he were single, and to get intimate only, and IF the ex’s father wasn’t a part of the equation - scared of the consequences. He explains that this is a trauma that justifies why he harasses her (his current gf) with the same questions regarding her loyalty to him. Even though she told him to deal with his trauma, to not affect their RS, he kept doing it, and she kept lowering her boundaries and found herself soothing him as best as she could. She recently has been informed that when she was abroad, her bf’s ex has contacted him and they exchanged messages, telling each others life. Then she asked for meeting for a coffee and if he had someone in his life, he said yes. And that his gf might not be comfortable with him grabbing a coffee with his ex. She replied ‘my bf might not like it either’. Then she asked if that gf was ok for them to chat or if they should end it. He asked her what she wanted. She said she couldn’t stop thinking about him since they broke up and felt silly for reaching out today. He replied ‘that’s understandable. I hold no grudges. Take care’. She replied ‘fair enough’. One month later she sent him another text ‘if you change your mind, I’m still open for a coffee. Your gf can come too’. He replied with a thumb up emoji.
(One month later, his current gf was still abroad and not aware of that exchange, that he considered as cheating).
So her gf asks him ‘i thought you were afraid of her dad, had no interest in seeing that girl again, that texting in a partner back was cheating, and according to your belief; that if one does it, the other one does it too, and that would explain the way you harass me with loyalty. and you using me as an excuse to reject the coffee invite makes me uncomfortable and makes you look not accountable. Plus the way you answer looks like an invite, an opening RS.’
He said his dad was cool since (how can he know about it when it doesn’t show in the messages?), that he needed ‘closure’, and didn’t want to be mean so he believed his answers to be ‘smart’. And that despite the way the gf looks at the exchange, that he has no intention on seeing that girl again.’
To be continued in the comments’ section