u/Fun-Name-5925

I'm alone, always will be.

I don't let people get too close, I don't remember the last time I smiled or laughed.

I'm trapped in my own mind, words whizzing by - everything is a hoax.

I feel so exposed but I tell myself, as long as you suicide, you'll be fine.

No friends, no real connection, and I try to control absutely everything to survive to the point it's now controlling me.

It's a facade, underneath I'm a loser, little man child with no future. I'm envious of others.

I'm bitter of my situation, just shout at myself like do something about it - but just sit there, frozen trapped like a little child.

The pain is real, the mind is suicidal, I'm already dead.

I'm in this constant state of paranoia and distress, I can't turn it off. I can't breathe.

I'm lying here working and just want this all to stop once and for all.

I've been struggling for a few months and losing the will to keep going.

I don't know what to do anymore, I'm attempting to remain normal - but underneath I'm losing it and it's showing.

I'm in my head 24/7.

The fact that this entire disorder is an entire challenge to overcome, I just can't bear it. More importantly, I don't think I want to - I want to honestly be left alone to die and there'll be no worries ever again.