Scared to tell my dad I want to get to know someone I’ve liked for 3 years.
I’ve liked this guy for three years. In the beginning, we spoke for about a month in a way that wasn’t halal, and I’m not proud of it. During that time, he told me he was leaving for Bangladesh. We texted a little while he was there, but eventually he said he had no internet and completely disappeared. I was devastated and spent a long time thinking about him.
(For context we were super young here.)
When I finally decided to reach out again, I prayed istikhara first. He replied after two days, and for a moment I thought maybe things would work out. But shortly after, I saw him at a skating rink with another girl. I was heartbroken and left immediately.
Even though it hurt, that experience completely changed my relationship with Allah. Before that, I struggled with prayer and deen, but afterward I became much more serious. I started praying consistently, reading Quran, dressing more modestly, quitting music, and praying tahajjud regularly. During Ramadan, especially in the last ten nights, I would wake up every night making dua for Allah to make him good for me and make me good for him if it was khair.
Around that time, I noticed he had changed a lot too. He became connected to the masjid, surrounded himself with righteous people, stayed off social media, sought Islamic knowledge, and even taught Quran to children. Seeing that change attracted me to him even more.
Eventually, I stopped making tahajjud and istikhara specifically about him because I wanted to move on. I truly believed he probably wasn’t written for me, even though it was difficult and I still found myself checking up on him sometimes.
By freshman year of college, I thought I was finally over him. I became serious about marriage and started making dua for a righteous spouse during Ramadan. I tried apps like Muzz and spoke to a few people, but none of them seemed serious, so I deleted it. I even tried meeting people in person and got rejected, which honestly discouraged me.
Later, one of my friends suggested I give him another chance. At first I refused because I thought he wasn’t ready for marriage, but she asked me how I would know without trying.
I finally decided to message him, but he didn’t respond. So my friend and I went to his local masjid, which was about 40 minutes away. We spent almost $50 on an Uber just hoping to find him. His friends were kind and genuinely tried helping us, but they told us he had gone to Saudi Arabia for umrah.
Before leaving, the sheikh approached us and asked why we were looking for him. I was hesitant at first, but I decided to be honest and told him I wanted to get to know Abdullah for marriage. The sheikh told us to come back the following Friday.
We came back the next Friday feeling anxious and unsure of what would happen. Alhamdulillah, the sheikh told us he had spoken to him, and he agreed to have a FaceTime call with me while my wali is present.
Now my biggest fear is telling my father that I want to get married and that I already have someone in mind. I’m scared of how he’ll react, and I’m also scared that I’ll fight so hard for this just for us to end up incompatible. I try to push those fears aside and trust Allah.
Another concern is culture. I’m a Black Muslim woman, and he is Arab and Bengali. I don’t know if family expectations or cultural differences could become an issue, and honestly, I don’t know how to move forward from here.