u/FunTemporary8680

Hey everyone, on April 10th/11th, I sustained injuries that led to me being diagnosed with a concussion. Recovery has been an uphill battle and I feel really different in the weeks since then.

One of the concerning things I’ve noticed is that twice then… two completely nonsensical, off the wall, quite frankly crazy thoughts have popped into my head. My brain works differently now, I feel like I’m slowly improving on the memory front but that’s still a battle too. However these thoughts are freaking me out.

The first occurred in either very late April or very early May. My dog had a vet appointment… we were in the exam room waiting for the vet and my dog was up on their hind paws looking out a window… I was petting her and I had this thought process pop into my head… “Where am I? Oh yeah… the vet… I’m here because I brought my dog in… she is a dog right? What if she wasn’t a dog and I only thought she was a dog but everyone else could see she wasn’t and thought I was crazy?” - and I thought about that for a moment and of course I know she’s a dog and so does every one else and she’d already been to the vet countless times, so of course she’s a dog.

The second occurred today, May 19th - where I was just sitting, thinking and a thought popped into my head… “What if I can’t get pregnant because I only look like a female but inside biologically I’m a male?” - I thought about how crazy that thought was and was like “No, obviously that’s not true because I get my monthly cycle and I’ve already had one baby.”

Anyway, these thoughts are concerning and have only ever occurred after the concussion. They are like weird, paranoid thoughts that both are actually similar… things looking like something but not actually being that…. I’m able to quickly challenge these thoughts and know they’re real and extremely weird and peculiar… but my question is… why would the concussion cause this? Will they ever stop or will they get worse? Especially since the first didn’t occur until weeks after and here I am over a month out and I had a second weird thought.

Please tell me I’m not the only one and that it gets better and they go away…. Or if not… tell me the truth. I know it is from the concussion because they never occurred prior to that. If it helps, my concussion was caused by oxygen deprivation, lack of blood flow to the brain and impact to the back of the head. I know every concussion is different but I can’t be the only one getting weird thoughts…

So I have been mostly away from my abuser since the last attack which was serious and scary. That occurred April 10th/11th. So a bit over a month of mostly being apart. We’ve only seen each other 4 times since the attack. I keep questioning why I even see him anymore because we genuinely have nothing in common. He bores me. He’s so self absorbed and talks nonstop about topics I have no interest in… like trucks and sandwiches. There’s zero depth. Zero ability to safely communicate in a meaningful way. I still feel like I have to completely censor myself to not upset him.

After the initial “separation” - the intention was for us to work through things but after so much distance and the brainwashing wearing off and the spell he had me under fading… I’m seeing more of who he actually is and he’s putting in even less effort than ever to be engaging or sweet or romantic, even during the good times. And things have been really stable since the attack because we struck a deal in exchange for me not reporting him he was going to do a whole bunch of things to be one a better safer person… and some of those things have occurred but a lot has not….

And one of the agreements was complete and total sobriety but tonight he mentioned thinking about drinking recently and though he hasn’t… and said he doesn’t want to, it’s just concerning he’d even think about it or bring it up after attacking me the last time. Anyway, I’m just wondering what I ever saw in him and while he’s not the worst, he’s not a good or fulfilling partner. And I’m questioning why I’m even still seeing him at all when I don’t see anything in common or many redeeming qualities or empathy and feel little to no emotional connection anymore.

It’s like I’m staying out of fear… fear that he’d get upset or it would destabilize the situation if I left him. And right now I get his daughter during his custody time but it’s voluntary on his part and I fear that if I left him, he’d try to put a stop to that, despite him agreeing to it in exchange for not reporting him. He may take that back if we’re no longer a couple or if he fears I’ll start dating again and have another guy around his daughter…. Which I might start dating again eventually if we broke up but I only have his daughter on the weekends, so I’d absolutely never have her around a strange man at all. So his second fear would be unfounded.

But I’m also afraid of something else… afraid I won’t find anyone, afraid I won’t be able to connect again… afraid they won’t be any better or that all the good guys are taken or that I’d wind up alone or that another man wouldn’t be attracted to me. Etc.

Give me hope ladies. Who got out of their DV relationship and eventually found someone better? What was that journey like? How long did it take for you to heal? How long did it take to feel ready to date and find your current partner? Are you happy? Is your relationship healthy? How long have you been together? Or if you’re still single… how is that going for you? I’m just looking for hope but don’t be afraid to share negative experiences either. Just tell me about life after officially ending a DV relationship…. Give me courage? Or give me advice… or just respond … please.

I feel like going to my first DV Support Group would be good progress for me but I’m nervous. Anxious. Kind of a bit panicky. I don’t know what to expect and I’m just honestly afraid and not sure why… any advice? I already agreed to go to my DV Advocate and I feel somewhat obligated now but I’m scared.

The flair is not exactly perfect but it was the best I could find.

What I’m looking for is advice from women on how they organized and compiled evidence for the police in preparation of reporting? I have photos, audio recordings, emails, texts, screenshots, messages, text files, call logs, etc.

Any advice on how to organize and compile and put together this evidence in case I decide to move forward with reporting?

Side question… I did not always screenshot the texts at the time but have the ability to screenshot past ones… oddly I swore I did and somehow cannot find the past screenshots on my phone anymore…. Anyway, is it too late to take new screenshots of past text abuse because the file would have the wrong date on it? Idk… I’m just trying to figure out how to present my evidence in a professional, efficient way. And advice on how other women did it? Thanks in advance.