Everything I’ve seen says there’s no possible way to drive a Kei truck in California, Los Angeles specifically, due to various laws around driving said vehicles on public roads.
Yet I know there are people who have them here in LA. So how? How are we doing this? Are we just saying “screw it” and playing fast and loose with the law?
What is the secret sauce?
Hello everyone. I’ve recently joined this group after being soft-diagnosed with panic disorder last week following a monumental panic attack at an airport, and subsequent panic attack after shocks. Forgive the length, but I want to share how this disorder comes and goes, and comes and goes. I also wanted to share a thought of positivity from someone currently feeling at their lowest:
Courage can be built from wherever you are in your journey.
I’ve had anxiety my entire life, and panic attacks from a very young age. I did not understand what I was experiencing for a very long time, and for a good long while we treated it as nothing but adolescent awkwardness, shyness, nervousness. Eventually it was undeniable and I was prescribed a take it as you need it drug of some kind. After that, a daily something I can’t remember (I’m sure many of my fellow panickers also deal with shoddy memories).
When I reached the age of 22 or so, my family pediatrician (who’d initially prescribed the pills to me) called me and let me know he couldn’t prescribe anything to me anymore due to my age. At that time I was out of college, in a relationship, and decided I would stop cold turkey. I had no health insurance anyway, so the idea of going to another doctor to get re-prescribed felt out of my price range.
I subsequently went about 6 years without daily anxiety, with extremely rare panic attacks attributed to work burnout. In that time my relationship ended, I went to graduate school, fell in love with someone new, moved from Virginia to California, and started a career as a copywriter in the ad industry.
What helped me was courage.
Saying yes to things I knew I was afraid of, that I had to say yes to otherwise I’d say no and my world would remain small. And my world expanded. I felt powerful, I felt proud of myself, I felt in control and on the rise. Yet I’d still have panic attacks here and there related to work, some sending me to urgent care—because I’d been that far removed from anxiety I believe the symptoms were actually heart related; I’d forgotten what it was to know panic. So I started therapy. I stopped drinking (7.5 years sober this month).
Then the pandemic hit.
And in came the hypochondria, the fear of the outside world, the forced insulation, the agoraphobia, the existential dread, the focusing on death. And I got back on medication, only 5 mg of Lexapro (I’m on 10 now). This helped, but I’d begun to sow the seeds of crutches and habits that would eventually become the symptoms of panic disorder and my own brand of agoraphobia.
As work from home kicked off, part of me was elated—I was beginning to burn out (and oh how I would burn out soon) and so working from home felt like a blessing. But then I became always reachable. My bedroom became my office became my recreation. As the pandemic wore on I was eventually asked to fly to Barcelona for a commercial shoot, as well as various other locations for new business pitches. I was still thriving in some ways, but in others, I was being broken down.
I eventually turned to cannabis to help me get through the days, working a job I’d grown to hate. Unfortunately, asked to travel for another new business pitch, I suffered a massive panic attack at the airport on my way back home (stopped the plane while taxiing, collapsed in the jet bridge, ambulance to ER).
Not soon after, I quit that job, which relieved such a massive stressor, and began working my way back up again by getting into therapy and upping my Lexapro to 10mg.
However this is where I believe my anxiety pivoted into panic disorder. I slowly started removing things from my life—going to restaurants, going to the gym, making friends, seeing existing friends. I opted for living an inside life because inside was safe, and outside was not safe.
I could overcome this and go and enjoy those things at times—even being able to perform poetry in my city and in other states—but in general, I trended in a negative direction. More panic attacks. More anxiety. Smaller life. Relying on my partner for my peace.
I brought cannabis back into my life, I told myself I was just getting older, I told myself I was just slowing down. My relationship has suffered greatly from this, and is on its last legs. I have lost my spontaneity, my joy, my whimsy, my explorative heart have all been diminished by my panic.
Then 9 days ago, a panic attack in an airport, unable to get on a flight, more daily panic attacks, waking up into anxiety, my relationship potentially ending.
And yet I am more determined than ever to get on top of this.
Because this is not who I am. My panic disorder is not me.
I am going to get ahold of my life. Knowing that I potentially have panic disorder, not just anxiety, gives me great confidence that I can overcome this. It is a sensation my mind has developed to protect me from a lifetime of anxiety. The fear is a coping mechanism. The anxiety is a coping mechanism. The panic is a coping mechanism.
What it is protecting me from is a lack of courage.
And I am determined to regain mine.
Courage is taking the time to continue exploring your experience.
Courage is getting a new mindfulness app, approaching anxiety in a new way.
Courage is breathing through the morning panic and doing the dishes.
Courage is making another therapy appointment when you need it.
Courage is breaking down your struggles piece by piece and building back up again.
Courage is knowing you’re at rock bottom, but you know that within you there is the capacity to climb out of it.
I hope you all find a way to believe in yourselves today. I hope you find a way to begin building your courage.
I’ll be doing my best to do the same.