AIO for locking the door to my grandparents’ part of our house
My (F23) grandma suffers from Alzheimer’s. She used to live alone with my grandfather, but it got so bad that their house is now literally RUINED. He can’t cook, he can’t clean, he can’t take care of himself nor her. So following my mother’s invitation — they moved in, and now I’ve become an almost full time caretaker of my elderly pets and them. I didn’t choose that, I’m only here because one of the very few things she actually remembers is that she hates animals, so she abuses them on autopilot. Only a few days ago she tried to kick my cat, but thankfully it was on the other side of our glass door.
They have their own semi-apartment with their own kitchen, their own bathroom, their own living room, bedroom and everything. Most of the day they stay there.
And I work online. Sometimes my meetings take me 20 minutes, sometimes they take me 1hr, sometimes they take me 2hrs, and during these times I rely on my grandfather. My mom works from 9am until 9pm, so I can’t ask her for help.
Except that the SECOND I leave my living room, she leaves their own living room and tries to throw all my animals outside. Nothing works, obviously, because she’s unable to learn at this stage of her disorder. Asking, begging, yelling, nothing. My grandfather doesn’t care. He just lets her do whatever she wants. Sometimes AFTER I CALL FOR HIM he yells at her and she gets scared enough to stop. It’s basically nuts. Most of the time I have to get away from my work to stop her from abusing my pets anyway.
So today was the day I decided to close the door connecting our living room to their entire part of the house. I woke up at 7:30 after I’d spent the entire night preparing pizza and sugar free cake for them (my grandma’s diabetic). I had a meeting from 8:00 until 8:20, so I was gone for literally less than half an hour. I got back to the kitchen and EVERYTHING was smeared in her shit. Everything. She touched EVERY piece of food I’d prepared. The oven, too. Of course I threw everything away. Her husband? Not even in the same room with her. I thought I’d cry.
So I stood up and I told him that I’d need to start locking that door whenever I can’t be there with her, and I gave him the only key in case he needed something… and now he won’t speak to me anymore. Bro’s so mad he walks away whenever I try to sit with them for some time together. Am I crazy? Was it too much?? He specifically said he DOESN’T want to give her away to a nursing home 🥲 ever.
So, AIO? AITA? I feel like I’m losing my marbles, and my mom is of no help either. She’s on vacation now, so I’m alone with all… this.
EDIT: I forgot to mention that I had to take a 1 year long break from my uni because otherwise they’d be here alone with my animals for long periods of time and I kind of resent everybody from my family for that. So I’m not super nice to them, I just make food and clean shit.
UPDATE:
Grandpa is no longer mad at me. I bought him a typewriter a couple of days ago and it arrived today. Excitement took over.
The key works. Grandma can’t enter the living room at all anymore. Strictly forbidden. I just spend a lot of time in their part of the house with them. After my mother comes back, the plan is to register my grandparents as residents of the city we live in and get a nurse. So next week. Than you all very much for your insights and suggestions ❤️And also for being nice to me, because sometimes I feel like the bad guy here, no matter what I do.