[M, 24] Weird situation
I'm from a conservative country and english isnt my main language, I have been in a relationship for 3 years, I love them endlessly, last year I developed a really close friendship and before I knew it I loved endlessly someone new.
The problem came when that person told me their feelings, I rejected them and remained friends, tried to put distance and told my partner about it and told them how sad I felt, they told me to be truthful and to say it was just a fake feeling and didnt had any intentions of something for them.
I talked to that person but couldnt, I told them my real feelings and that left them so confused and my partner too, we keep in contact and I informed my partner that, but despite trying I couldnt hide that I also love them 100%
In a party, that person got really drunk and was really sad bc I rejected them so I tried to console them, my partner and I were also there and it was a very important day for us and I wasnt there bc I was with the other person since they were in an extremely bad situation.
This kept repeating in several situations when its obvious despite having my partner im treating this friend that isnt my partner the same way I treat them, and the problems come when I have to prioritize one or the other.
I had a friend from the USA for quite a while, he's monogamous and he told me that since he knows me he always thought I could probably be polyamory and that he believes I always love at 100%. I didnt really want to accept it. I hate this, the thing I love most is making people I love happy but now I'm having to manage 2 people and "measuring" how much unhappiness each can tolerate, I feel so exhausted, and both my relationships are deteriorating bc both ask me to please choose, to please be honest and stop wasting everyones time, I dont know what to do, I just decided to keep loving them until one or the other gives up on me, but I probably will give up on both if that happens bc I dont want neither to think they werent loved by me or I preffered the other.
I just wanted to see if I'm not the only one in a situation similar to this, so I came here