Male therapist being inappropriate?
I (33f) have been seeing this therapist (30m) for about a year. I generally feel that I have experienced a lot of growth in our sessions and I feel invested in the work that we’ve done.
That said, there have been a few situations where I’ve felt really uncomfortable. These instances have been few and far between but I’m starting to notice myself feeling more guarded in our sessions and I think this is why.
First, during an exercise on boundary setting, he suggested we do a role play where I could practice saying “no.” He then decided the scenario should be him acting as a highly persistent man trying to ask me out, saying I was cute, not taking no for an answer and forcing me to repeatedly practice saying "no" to him. At the time I felt pretty uncomfortable but I pushed through it and did the exercise anyways. Afterwards I felt weird but I brushed it off and figured he probably just didn’t realize how that could be triggering.
Then, a few months later, while discussing relationship communication techniques he used some very misogynistic language to demonstrate how “not to behave.” He looked at me and said, “I wouldn’t say things like 'hey, (my name,) you’re a dumb bitch' but I might say it this way instead...” This felt extremely inappropriate to me, (not to mention irrelevant- my partner and I don’t talk to each other that way.) And I did seriously consider not seeing him anymore after that, but decided to keep trying because I thought we were making good progress otherwise.
Then, most recently, he shared a personal story about a time he pushed a boundary with his wife, “trying to mess with her,” while they were laying in bed. Apparently she repeatedly told him to stop messing with her and he didn’t get the picture until she physically removed herself from the situation. The story was kind of relevant to our conversation, (he was talking about how men are often not verbal processors,) but the way he told it just felt so creepy. He was smiling the entire time he told it and I could tell that he thought his behavior was cute. He just kept looking at me and grinning and saying “do you think I stopped?..Nope.” It was again, very triggering, and this time I actually told him that, but he kind of seemed to brush it off and continued telling his story.
Anyhow, as I said, this behavior is not a common occurrence but I guess the list is growing… I do feel I have really been able to work through a lot with him in other topics but these random occurrences are starting to make it hard to fully trust him. He is the first therapist I have ever seen for more than one or two sessions so I don’t have a lot to base it off of. Is this stuff wildly inappropriate or are these things worth trying to bring to his attention and work through? I have a history of abuse and am trying to learn how to trust my instincts. Any input would be greatly appreciated.