My girlfriend [20F] rushed me home after I tried to kiss her for the first time and I don’t know if I should be upset or just give her space
Me [21M] and my gf [20F] haven’t been dating for super long, but we’ve known each other since high school. We became really close friends first, and last year I confessed to her and she said yes. Legit one of the happiest days of my life because she’s honestly the sweetest person I know.
For context, she’s in college right now and she’s insanely hardworking and smart. She’s always busy with presentations, finals, etc. Also important: she’s autistic. When we first met, she really hated physical touch from people. Over the years though, she got comfortable with me. We’ve been friends for around 5 years total including the time we’ve dated, so now hugs and casual affection are normal between us.
She’s genuinely an amazing girlfriend and best friend. She was there for me at my lowest, orders me food when I forget to eat, listens to my problems, and somehow still makes time for me even with her packed schedule.
Last year I asked her if she could come to my house so I could formally introduce her to my dad (my parents are divorced, she already met my mom). She agreed at first, but later cancelled because she had to redo a class presentation. I got pretty upset about it at the time, but she was patient with me and promised she’d make it up to me after finals, and she actually did. So we moved past it.
Anyways, today we went on a picnic together. I’m kinda clingy sometimes and affectionate with her, which she’s usually okay with now. At one point I told her to close her eyes because I was gonna kiss her for the first time.
The second I said that, she immediately stood up, said “I’m gonna go get my car,” and then drove me home. No explanation. The vibe completely changed.
Now I honestly don’t know how to feel. I’m lowkey annoyed because I felt kinda rejected/cut off out of nowhere, but at the same time I know physical stuff can be complicated for her because of her autism and boundaries around touch.
I don’t want to make this about me if she got overwhelmed or uncomfortable, but I also feel embarrassed and confused. I genuinely can’t tell if I should be upset or if I should just give her space and wait for her to bring it up.