Recommendations for a Monitoring Software to Rebuild Trust
Hey there.
This is a post I feel really strange making, but I hope someone can help.
I've been married to my husband for 8 years, and we've discussed since the beginning of our friendship/relationship that porn is a hard line between us. I know that that concept is kind of controversial these days, and I don't criticize anyone who doesn't feel the same way. Due to personal experiences in past relationships, my experience with it was already rocky and negative.
I had a boyfriend that was addicted to it, and watched multiple times a day and began to compare my body to these women. It started draining my self-esteem to the point of eating disorders and self-harm. That was a long time ago, and I know that wasn't my husband's wrongdoing. But he promised me it wouldn't be an issue, and that because of me, it wasn't something he wanted.
But I discovered in 2024 he was actually addicted to it our entire marriage. Obviously to me it was upsetting, but the part that hurt me the most was the years of lying. The trust was destroyed because he lied to me constantly. Since then we've had a lot of ups and downs and we're both incredibly in love with one another despite having arguments about this on occasion. But he's had a couple slip ups, of which I also had to uncover without him admitting it to me himself.
We agreed on installing an accountability app. That's been great. He is in full consent of using it, and it has brought me peace of mind. It isn't something I think is needed forever, but it's something that has really helped strengthen our foundation again after it was sort of shaken.
My issue comes in here. The app has gotten relatively expensive. I don't know that we can afford to keep paying it. But his last issue with porn was only a few months prior to now. I want to know if there's somehow a different option to remotely monitor without paying an arm and a leg to do so. I don't care if it's something that can't be hidden or can't be put without mutual-party agreement, because he's in full agreement to do this with me to rebuild trust.
Is there any means to monitor his internet/social media activity with some tech savvy back door method that someone can direct me to? I'm pretty tech savvy on my own and would really appreciate if someone can give me some ideas. I don't need to block software or sites or anything. I just want to be able to monitor like we've agreed on.
Please don't come discuss with me about how I should change my views. Therapy and heartfelt talks have already been a factor. This is simply a request to rebuild trust and it is not something we need forever.