I have no desire for sex and it feels life-ruining
Ok, bear with me... this is going to be long.
I'm in my 30s and gay with a very strange caveat - I have no desire for sex. In fact, I'd say I have a negative desire for it. The thought of it actually makes me a bit nauseous. Because of this, I've accepted that I'll never be involved in a proper relationship (and to be honest, I'm not sure I'd be good in one even if I did find one).
This might not sound like that big of a deal but it's had a major ripple effect on my friendships. All my friends are straight and partnered up or married. I love them to death. Not in a sexual sense... just, in a way where I feel comforted or happy when they're present. It's difficult to describe. All I can say for certain is that they mean the absolute world to me.
Unfortunately, I think this is where my problem begins. I have a massive gap in my life that normal people probably fill with their other half. But I fill that gap with my friends, and it makes me value them to a point where I expect things that are unrealistic or unfair. My attachment to them can come off as annoying, and I have a horrible gut feeling a few of them have distanced themselves from me because of it.
I don't hold any anger against them for this. I understand their mindset, but I can't lie... it's shattering for me. The closest friends to me are the only people I can confide in, and I feel like they're the only ones able to get me out of a hole when I'm down. The thought of losing them is... depressing.
I can't help but think all of this stems from me not wanting a partner, which itself stems from me having an aversion to sex. I've asked gay people before if they've ever heard of another gay person not being interested in sex, and all of them have responded with some kind of variant of "No. Maybe you haven't found the right person yet".
I can't be the only one out there like this. Does anyone know of anyone with this same issue?