u/FunctionDesigner7918

I know you’re upset with me and it felt a little confusing cause I couldn’t really tell who I was trying to talk to. I still think and feel like we could benefit from some real communication. It sounds like you got some false info and we can definitely talk about that if you want. I didn’t want this outcome and from what little I’ve over heard it sounds like it’s 💯 false. Why the fuck would I date someone else and be with you??! That’s awful, dishonest and just plain wrong. If you don’t want to talk I’ll respect that and quietly exit your life.

Heyy L it’s me E man have I made a fuckin mess of things huh. If you ever wonder if I miss you or if you are on my mind… trust me you are.. I think of you all the time, I miss our talks and our plans.. ya know I have no excuses for my behavior nor what I said out of anger and from the very bottom of my heart and with all that I am I regret those decisions, the words I used and the behavior I showed following all this. I can really only admit my many blunders and admit that I was wrong and how I exhibit my emotions or lack there of are a reflection of me my unhealed and undiagnosed mental health issues and trauma I experienced in early childhood. Now that’s my responsibility to make myself better and to heal so I don’t hurt anyone else again and most importantly maybe god willing you’ll talk to me someday. I love you I just fuckin suck at showing it. I never was shown love or anything that resembles it tbh, you’re the only one who loved me as I was. I was so inept that I didn’t realize it was empty.. I knew it was low and that’s when I should have sprained into action. I was so dismissive of the check-ins and the mental health/therapy and that was a mistake of magnificence portions, it was ultimately the biggest mistake of my life. You’re the most loving caring beautiful sexy woman I’ve ever seen and you actually loved me, this dumbass from Indiana you actually did.. and look I, I just want you to know that this has disturbed me deeply and I have no other choice but to accept that I may have done too much damage and you’re gone.. I read so many things that seem like you wrote them and after reading all those and being faced with what my actions and lack of put me primarily responsible for all of this.. it weighs down my soul and I feel like I have that coming to me because I can’t imagine what you must have truly been feeling and experiencing..

I say all of that to express my sincere regret and deep sadness for what you experienced and to let you know I have to do something to change my behavior and get my mind right. I also want you to know that everything was real my goodness all of it the love and tenderness how I expressed my love was real! Now unfortunately how I lack expressing it is also real because I was holding on to things that wouldn’t let me lower those walls. I hope you see this, my love I pray you see this. Because you need to know how that my mistakes and my shortcomings were a direct reflection of me and how I was still that scared little boy.. I fuckin love you from the moment we connected here on Reddit.. that was one of the best conversations and the instant connection that felt truly divine from 630mi away..

I hope we talk so at least I can tell you all this and maybe get too see you again. Oh how I yearn for your touch and to hear your voice and see your beautiful face.. I’m truly blessed to have met you and to have experienced your love that you so freely gave away. I will always remember and cherish our relationship, love and special moments we shared together. I pray I talk to you someday. I will miss you like no other and I hope god works out one more miracle for us.
I love you —L

Love Always —E