41F wife wants to retain friendship with another male despite agreement she wouldn't due to catching feelings ...am I (42M) being unreasonable?
My Wife (41F) struck up a relationship with a friend from work. Anyway prior to Christmas 2025 I thought something was off with her. She was really weird prior to their work breakup party. She went and got drunk there and flirted with this guy, nothing hugely physical but arm stroking and long deep convos.
Nothing physical happened (according to her) but she came clean after. She rarely drinks. The reason I found out is that she gave me her phone and I saw that the chat history with her female friend had been deleted, but there was some texts saying I had something to be worried about....
So we worked through that. I wasn't happy at all. Essentially, we agreed she wouldn't have a friendship with him going forward (she explained she had feelings for him) and so we agree “no friendship” and she'd keep me up to date with interactions.
Oh he’s married too. Anyway, I slowly got over it but we agreed she’s not to seek him out, keep it professional, no friendship etc. (they have to work together) and she’d tell me about interactions, which went for a while and then she stopped, got sick of that.
So 5 months later, we're on the couch and she mentions she went for coffee as a group but mentioned he was there. I was a bit annoyed because of our agreement. But I said “oh who did you drive down there with?” And she said “oh with her female friend”. Fair enough.
So I then jump in our Tesla to charge it. Her car, and I felt something was off and I wondered what the camera recorded and boom. There is a video of him and her jumping in the car together heading off for coffee.
Then I question her - show her the video - and she comes clean. Turns out she’s been off having coffees with him just those two. And he rocks up to work drinks and they chat. Whilst I look after our 3 kids. And the conversations are of course deep - including that he has an "open relationship" with his wife, they’ve been having problems etc.
I’m so upset. We had an agreement, even saw a marraige counsellor, and she’s broken it...Couldn’t help herself. Swears gone no further physically but who knows…and then lied to my face about being in the car.
What do I do? I’m just lost. It’s the lying that really hurts as well as the “need” to be his friend after we agree it’s a bad idea. They’ve become “close friends” despite our agreement.
The trust is really hurt. We have three young children but she's actively choosing each time to progress this “friendship” despite our agreement and knowing I would be hurt. She would have known each time and progressed.
What do I do here?
TLDR: My wife had feelings for a colleague, we agreed that she wouldn't be friends, and she breached that agreement.